


Beautiful Loser

by TriDom



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alpha Dean, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Alternate Universe, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Infidelity, M/M, Mates, Omega Castiel, Omega Verse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-12
Updated: 2014-12-04
Packaged: 2018-02-12 20:31:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 29,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2123664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TriDom/pseuds/TriDom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is an alpha, married to a beta. They have a good comfortable life that Dean loves, until a man pulls into Dean's work and turns his world inside out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Omegas are pretty much unicorns in this universe. The reason for that will be told later.

The sound of Bob Seger woke Dean at six-thirty, playing from his alarm clock. He let the song play through poor speakers as he stared at the ceiling with the film of sleep trying to keep his lids closed.

“Turn that off,” Lisa said tiredly beside him.

Dean rolled over and pressed the off button before kissing the back of Lisa’s neck. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine. Don’t let Ben forget his lunch,” she said.

He could hear the snot congested in her nose, making her words run together.

“No problem. Do you need any more Nyquil?”

“No, but I’d take some water,” she said.

Dean got out of their bed and went to the kitchen. The sound of the ice maker was loud in the kitchen. Noises like that always seemed louder when it was still dark outside. He stood in front of the kitchen window above the sink and looked out at the faint coloring at the lowest part of the horizon. His Impala glowed in the green tinge of the security light, marbled with dew.

He went up the carpeted stairs to their bedroom again. Lisa was asleep. He wanted to touch her, but he kept his hands to himself. She’d had the flu or a cold for the last few days and it was hard enough for her to get to sleep in the first place. Instead, he set the water down quietly and went to the connected bathroom and closed the door to start his morning routine.

After he was out of the shower and dressed, he slipped from his and Lisa’s room and went a few doors down to Ben’s. He knocked then pushed open the door. Ben was still passed out face down with an arm hanging over the edge of the bed.

“Come on, buddy. Up and at ‘em.”

Ben grunted. Dean waited until he saw legitimate movement before he closed the door and went downstairs to start breakfast.

Dean had Ben out of the door and down the driveway to wait for the bus by seven-ten. He checked on Lisa one more time before he was in his car and driving to Bobby’s auto shop, where he worked.

The sun was rising through the trees making them silhouette against the purple sky as Dean drove with the windows down. It was almost cold with the wind blowing around the noise of The Who, but the smell of cool wheat and fresh rain kept him from rolling them up.

Bobby’s Chevelle was parked out front already and one of the big doors was rolled up. When Dean stepped out of his car, the sound of the busted radio drifted out with the sound of birds and insects in the field just off the dirt lot.

“Hey, Bobby,” he said, as he walked in.

Bobby had an old F-150 on the lift messing around near the rear end.

“Why don’t you go put on some coffee?” Bobby called, wiping an oil-stained cloth over his already sweating face.

“Take it Irish?”

“What kind of stupid question is that?”

Dean laughed slightly as he went back to the small kitchen attached to the garage where they took their breaks. It smelled just as strongly of dirt, dust, and oil as the garage, except it was mixed with the scent of orange cleaner.

Dean started a pot of coffee and leaned against the counter, listening to the music from Bobby’s radio and singing along softly while the water began to pop as it brewed.

***

By noon, the large A/C unit in the window was making an unhealthy whirling noise and the oversized metal fan in the corner was blowing up dust around the garage as Dean and Bobby worked beneath the F-150. It had taken hours to get it unbolted with the hardware corroded and rusted with age. The replacement rear end wasn’t much better from one of the trucks in Bobby’s scrapyard.

After skinning his knuckles for the hundredth time, Dean threw down his ratchet and went to the kitchen.

“Do you want anything, Bobby?”

“Some water,” Bobby said, through his teeth as he tightened another bolt.

Dean went into the kitchen, wiping sweat on the back of his forearm as he went to the sink. He washed his hands, just knocking off the dust, not even attempting to remove the oil ground in around his cuticles. He made two glasses of water and went back to the shop.

A flash of metal caught his attention in the driveway. A silver Mercedes was parked in front of the bay door. Bobby was talking to the owner, who Dean couldn’t see because of the truck in the way. He went around the truck on the lift and squinted out against the sun to see the face of the man. He was in a tan coat, slacks, and shoes that looked entirely too shiny to be standing on the packed dirt drive.

Then it felt like a fault like had ruptured. The world went hazy around his peripheral vision, zeroing in on this man in his fucking coat, standing in the dirt where he didn’t belong. It felt like an iron rod had been forced into his chest, searing out his heart. Being underwater and trying to breathe. Standing at the edge of the cliff with one foot off and realizing there was a crack running beneath his other.

Dean walked out of the garage and into the sunlight, wiping his hands on a rag. He hardly noticed that Bobby was walking away, toward the office, when the man turned to look at him.

Dean stopped.

He had the most beautiful blue eyes. They looked tired. Dean’s chest throbbed. His lungs burned like he wasn’t breathing, but breathing wasn’t import. He watched something like rapture happen over the man’s face, starting in his eyes and going over his features that looked sad. Dean watched as he became a man ten years younger, and his spine felt weak.

The man came closer to where Dean had stopped halfway to him and he did something so mundane as Dean’s vision pulsed. Like the world were not changing and he had not torn the flooring from beneath Dean’s life.

He held out his hand.

“Castiel Novak.”

“Dean,” he said. He didn’t recognize his own voice as he shook Castiel’s hand. He rubbed his thumb over the pure lightness of Castiel’s skin against the work stained tone of his own. He hated the thought of marring the skin, but he hated the thought of letting go more.

“I’ve been waiting a very long time for you,” Castiel said.

“I’m sorry,” Dean said.

He said it so heartfelt it surprised him, but God he meant it. He didn’t say sorry to people, but he meant it at a bone deep level, his own body was resonating with how much he meant it. He was faced with a core shattering realization. He would do anything for this person. Absolutely anything and he only just knew his name. At some level, he realized this should scare him, but it wasn’t scary. It was very calming, like submerging himself in warm water or the smell of his mom’s house at Christmas. It was home and he realized his eyes were burning with the intensity of it and relief as his lungs felt like they were really expanding for the first time in his life.

“You’re so much more beautiful than I had any right to expect,” Castiel said.

Then he came a step closer and touched Dean’s face. Dean pushed into his hand then turned in to kiss his soft palm. The smell of his skin made a low noise come from Dean’s throat as his heart hitched painfully.

“You’re an omega.”

“Yes,” Castiel said in a deeply graveled voice. “Yours.”

A sharp surge of gratitude flooded Dean and his eyes prickled further. The perfect, sweet thing that smelled like apples, grass, and warm soil couldn’t be his, but Castiel was. Nothing in him was able to deny it.

Dean leaned down, pulling Castiel’s hand that he still held to rest on his back. Then he held Castiel’s check. His own shadow was thrown over Castiel’s face as he looked down on him. He could never look at anyone like this, so close. If anyone had ever told him that he would, he would have laughed at them in their face. He could smell Castiel’s breath as he looked into his eyes. Castiel looked as drugged as he felt. Drugged and so perfectly aware of what was most important.

He closed his eyes and moved closer, feeling the barest warmth of Castiel’s lips radiating onto his own when he heard what sounded like someone choking. He pulled away and looked behind him. Bobby was looking at him hard, holding out the phone.

“Your wife’s on the phone,” Bobby said.

Dean looked back at Castiel, cupping the side of his face in his hand. “I’ll be right back.”

“Of course,” Castiel said.

Dean pulled away and took the phone from Bobby. Bobby was giving him an extremely shitty look, but Bobby could put it right up his ass, because Dean didn’t know what his problem was as he put the phone to his ear and walked toward the office.

“Hello,” he said.

“Could you stop on your way home and get orange juice?” Lisa asked.

Dean stopped cold as he closed the office door behind him. Hearing Lisa’s voice was like having a bucket of ice water thrown on him. The color drained from his face and he wasn’t sure he could talk. He couldn’t for a moment, then he squeezed his eyes shut.  

“Yeah. No problem,” he said without feeling his words. “How are you feeling?”

“Like death. I’m just ready for you to be home.”

“That sucks.”

“Are _you_ okay? You sound drunk.”

Dean made himself laugh as his blood ran colder and sweat prickled his hairline. “Just a round of Bobby’s noon V8.”

“Laced with vodka?”

“Just beer this time,” Dean said.

“Okay. I’m going back to sleep now. Love you,” Lisa said.

“Ditto. Bye.”

Dean hung up and went to the battered couch along the wall. He fell onto it with his head in his hands. He thought he might vomit. There was a time, when even fucking someone else when he was in a relationship wasn’t a big deal.  It slid off his back and if feelings got hurt then they got hurt. He’d even felt that way about Lisa when they were dating, but they weren't dating. They were married, and they had been married for five years. Now he’d been more than willing to throw that away for a man he didn’t know.

He didn’t know how long he sat there, but eventually the office door came open and he was scared to look up. If it was Castiel then he’d have him down on the duct-taped couch before he knew what was happening. Then his mind was reeling with the thought of Castiel naked and smooth beneath him, making love to him like he never had anyone. The warm, not quite real feeling washed over him again at the thought, attempting to short circuit his brain.

“You want to tell me what the hell that was about?”

Dean looked up at Bobby standing in the doorway. He could see past him. The Mercedes was gone. Searing tears prickled the rims of his eyes. The amount of loss was overwhelming, like losing his dad, but again and again.

“Is he going to be back?”

Bobby’s mouth thinned to nothing behind his beard. Then he threw a card at Dean. Dean picked it up off the floor and wiped the dust from it.

_Castiel Novak DVM  
Madison Animal Clinic_

Beneath Castiel’s name, there was his office’s phone number. Dean flipped it over and saw smooth neat writing. It stilted his breathing. That’s what Castiel’s handwriting looked like. It was perfect. Castiel’s cell and home phone numbers were written on the back along with his email and home address.

_Please come see me. I need to talk to you._

He was reaching for his cell phone before Bobby caught his wrist hard.

“What are you doing?” Bobby nearly yelled. “Are you cheating on Lisa with that guy? Are you a fucking moron?”

“Bobby, you don’t understand,” Dean said.

“That woman’s given you a lot more chances than she should have and now you’re just going to throw that away?”

“Of course I’m not,” Dean said, shaking off Bobby’s grip.

He looked at Bobby. Under the anger, Bobby looked really confused or maybe concerned. Maybe both. Dean stood up and shoved the card into his back pocket then threw the door open to the shop, going into the bay. His eyes were burning again and his throat felt like it was closing. He picked up the nearest tool and chunked it across the shop until it hit the plywood wall. He kicked the wheeled toolbox and cussed as it sent a jolt of pain through his foot even through the steel toe of his boot.

He didn't know what the hell was happening, but he knew it hurt. It hurt and now it was making him so angry. He wasn't angry at Bobby. He wasn't even really angry at himself for what he let almost happen with Castiel. He was angry that Castiel was getting further from him with every minute. It was stupid and it didn’t make any sense, this wasn’t him, but it felt like his chest was being ripped apart.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw, I know the history of omegas seems like really heavy handed feminism, but I promise, it's not. Pretty much just based it on the way omegas are treated in most A/B/O universes (which I love) and played off of that.

Dean avoided talking to Bobby through the rest of the day, which was saying something given that the shop was less than nine-hundred square foot. It only worked because Bobby didn’t want to talk to him either. He worked hard. It helped keep his mind clear, as clear as it could be.

His chest still throbbed painfully like there was a frayed edge, pumping blood freely into his body. He knew nothing would be there, but when he went to the bathroom, he pulled up his shirt. It felt like his chest should be bruised, but there wasn’t anything there. It looked the same way it always had.

It took an act of God to keep from calling Castiel. Every time he felt his phone brush his thigh in his pocket, he fought with himself to just dial the number. Every time, he reminded himself of the blankness of his thoughts when he’d been near Castiel. Every time, he had to convince himself that the way he’d felt standing that close to Castiel was a bad thing. That it had made him forget anything about Lisa, and Ben, and his life. Everything had narrowed to Castiel, only him.

When he was closing the bay door at the end of the day, Bobby came from the attached office. He was frowning as he picked up and reset his hat.

“You aren’t going to keep seeing that guy are you?” Bobby finally asked.

“I’m not seeing him, Bobby,” Dean said.

“You mean you aren’t anymore.”

“No, I mean I didn’t even know his fucking name until he pulled in here,” Dean said, forcing the rolling door closed with his foot when it got low enough before turning to Bobby. “So no. I’m not going to _keep seeing_ him. I’m going to go get Lisa some juice then I’m going home.”

Bobby’s forehead wrinkled. “What do you mean, you didn’t know him? You looked pretty cozy to me.”

“Well I don’t know what to tell you,” Dean said, walking toward his car.

Dean peeled out of the dirt drive, letting the rear of the car swing out as the hit the pavement. He rolled down the windows and turned up the radio as loud as it would go as he drove to the small grocery story toward the edge of the one stop light town.

After he got Lisa’s juice, he sat in his car at the far end of the parking lot, and stared down the street toward the four-way. He leaned up and took out Castiel’s card again. He looked at it and got a warm flush through his body, just knowing he was touching something that Castiel had touched, that had probably been in his wallet. He passed it beneath his nose and smelled it. It smelled like paper.

Dean frowned and put it in front of his instrument cluster. He stared at it above his steering wheel. He’s already memorized the numbers on there, Castiel’s address, the way his _e_ ’s were slanted and almost didn’t look like letters at all, but some fluid hieroglyphic.  

He knew the rough address of Castiel’s house. It was less than five minutes from town on the north side. It wasn’t far from the veterinarian practice that had belonged to the same old woman for years until recently. Dean laughed bitterly. When Lisa told him weeks ago that a new veterinarian had moved into town, he never would’ve guessed this would’ve been the repercussion.

Then again, he’d never thought that someone like that could actually exist. He closed his eyes and meeting Castiel played behind his eyes with startling clarity. That look that had passed over Castiel’s face, like pure happiness. He opened his own eyes as he began watering again.

“Jesus Christ,” he said, rubbing at his eyes impatiently.

***

“What’s up?” Sam asked, as Dean walked into his house.

Dean pulled off his jacket and threw it over the back of one of Sam’s kitchen chairs. Sam caught it as the momentum almost made the chair hit the floor. Dean walked into the kitchen and dug through Sam’s fridge. He grabbed a beer and cracked the top off on the counter. He chugged it until he had brain freeze, then until he finished it.

“So, rough day?” Sam asked at the end of the bar.

Dean laughed, shaking his head slightly, “You want to hear about my day, Sammy? Really? Well, let me tell you about my day. I was doing my job, minding my own business, then this guy pulls up, and I shit out my brain.”

Sam smiled slightly, like he was confused. Sam generally looked confused when Dean walked in like this, but at the moment he couldn’t care less.

“Okay, you’re going to have to give me a little more than that,” Sam said.  

Dean went to the fridge and took another of Sam’s beers. He drank again, trying to say something that even remotely made sense. It wasn’t going to, there wasn’t a way to make this scenario make him sound like anything more than a fifteen year old hormonal school girl meeting Bieber.

“This guy got out at Bobby’s and the world went all fuzzy. It was just this guy, standing there. I almost made out with him right there, didn’t even give a shit when Bobby first gave me the phone with Lisa on the other end.”

“Like a crush or what?”

“I know what a fucking crush feels like. This actually felt like it was crushing me for a few minutes, so no. Next option? I’m going with alien.”

“I think aliens would have better taste,” Sam said.

“Yeah. Screw you.”

Sam was smiling then Dean watched as it fell around the corners and his face lost a little bit of its color. A cold pit formed in Dean’s stomach as Sam looked at him. He’d seen that face a few times and it never meant anything good.

“What?”

Sam hesitated with his eyebrows going up toward the center, before he spit it out. “Was he an omega?”

“Yeah.”

“Then Dean, he’s yours.”

“What do you mean he’s mine?”

“Like mate yours.”  

“Come on, Sam. I have an actual probably here. I don’t need fairytale bullshit. I don’t know maybe I just need to go fuck him and get it out of my system.”

Sam winced. “You probably shouldn’t talk about him like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like some random hookup. You can’t get him out of your system. He isn’t a hangover.”

Dean stared at Sam across the bar with one of his hands curling around the cool stone of the counter behind him. He squeezed it until his fingers hurt.

“You better start talking.”

Sam shrugged. “It isn’t like I know a lot. There really hasn’t been anyone to talk about it. It just happens.”

“What? Mates? Mates just happen and you never said anything about it? You wanted to keep your secret omega hoodoo all locked up?”

“It isn’t hoodoo.”

“Who told you about it?”

“No one had to tell me about it. I’ve just always kind of known that one day I’ll meet someone that will fill up this hole in my chest.”

Another smack of emotion slammed into Dean. His chest ached severely and a new bout of tears went straight to his ducts. He didn’t even have enough control over himself to be embarrassed. He hadn’t been this heartbroken since-. He had never been this heartbroken.

“He’s been hurting?”

Sam laughed slightly, “You’re so screwed.”

“Sam, answer me. Has he been hurting?”

Sam’s face softened slightly. “It doesn’t hurt. I just know I’m not as happy as I’ll be one day. It’s kind of a hopeful feeling. How old is he?”

“I don’t know. Five, maybe six years older than me.”

Sam’s puppy dog eyes went full blown with sympathy. “He’s been waiting on you awhile then. When are you going to go talk to him?”

Dean squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed into his temples with the heels of his hands. “How am I supposed to do that? I’m married, Sam. If I go see him I’ll be on him in no time.”

“Thanks for the overshare,” Sam said, going past Dean to the fridge. He took out his own beer. “For what it’s worth, a mate pretty much nullifies a marriage.”

“That’s not fucking right. Lisa’s given me so many chances, then I’m just going to up and walk out on her?”

“This isn’t your fault.”

“It would be if I left her. I just need to stay away from this guy.”

Sam looked at him, like Dean had just told him that Santa Claus wasn’t real. Some part of himself felt the same way, like he was trying to kill real magic by wrapping it up in a burlap sack and dropping it in a river.

“Could you actually be happy doing that?” Sam asked.

“I have to be, right?” Dean asked, with the persistent water in his eyes, like he had allergies. His tear ducts itched his nose ran.

Sam’s mouth turned up a fraction, but his face was covered in sympathy. “You don’t have to do anything, Dean.”

Dean shook his head, “God. Sam, he put this fucking crater in my chest. It feels like I’ve got asthma.”

“What’s his name?”

“Castiel,” Dean said roughly, wiping his eyes before any water could fall.

“Dean,” Sam said then he waited until Dean looked at him. “You can’t even say his name. You need to go see him. If things happen then they do, but not going clearly isn’t an option.”

“Yeah, maybe not.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Go head,” Dean said, tearing off a sheet of paper towels and blowing his nose.

“What did it feel like?”

“What? Seeing him? Like getting hit by a truck. Then automatic tunnel vision. It wasn’t even really sexual, I just wanted to-. I don’t even know what I wanted aside from him. I just wanted to have him. He looked tired and that about ripped my heart out. Then he looked so happy when he saw me then that made me feel better than awesome.”  

“So super awesome?” Sam asked.

Dean laughed slightly as he squeezed his nose, “Yeah something like that.”

“Well you can’t really turn your back on super awesome,” Sam said.

“This guy’s going to kill me.”

“I somehow really doubt that,” Sam said.

The smile Sam gave him kicked him right in his brotherly feels. Sam looked so happy for him, but sad and jealous at the same time. It was all the reason he needed. He couldn’t turn his back on something that Sam wanted so badly for himself. That just felt wrong.

“Thanks, Sammy. I’m going to go talk to him.”

“Good,” Sam said with another of his sweet, happy smiles.

***

Dean drove down the highway until reaching the county road listed for Castiel’s address. He turned down it and drove until he almost reached the end of the cracked black top. He knew something was wrong when he didn’t even care that he might have to drive on the gravel road in his car he just detailed the weekend before.

Luckily, the black mailbox for Castiel’s house was a quarter mile before the road ran out. He slowed down and turned in the driveway, the tires crackling over the thickly laid white gravel. The silver Mercedes he’d seen at Bobby’s was parked to the side of a light blue two-story farm house with a wrapped white porch. Dean pulled up behind the Mercedes and stepped out.

He walked to the wood steps of the porch and held the rail as he went up. The wood was warm from the sun until he passed into the shadow of the roof. Cool wind blew off the surrounding fields stirring the wind chimes under the porch eves. He could smell moist soil, horse, and hay. The smells he always thought of when he’d visit his grandparents. His heart beat slower.

The screen door squeaked as he pulled it open and knocked on the white stained wood of the inner door. He waited, listening for movement inside. It didn’t take long at all before the door was open and Castiel stood there with his tie hung loosely around his neck.

“Hey, Cas.”

 “Hello, Dean,” Castiel said.

The world wasn’t spinning anymore. The haze around the corners of his vision was happening again. Castiel should always say his name. It should be the only word he knew with that voice rough like he’d been saying it until he were hoarse.

“We need to talk.”  

“Of course,” Castiel said, stepping back. “Please come in.”

Dean stepped inside. God it was like falling into pie filling. Sweet, smooth, and warm. His sense of smell was going into overdrive sucking in the different levels of Castiel’s house. There was something clean, like clean clothes, maybe some bleach, but not enough to be abrasive. There was a slight layer beneath like older house and fresh layers of paint. It didn’t smell quite lived in and that made Dean’s chest hurt again.

It was like a compulsion swarming up his spine. Castiel needed a family. He needed people around him who loved him and would make this house warm. He couldn’t even register that those were weird thoughts to have about the guy. They were just there and strong, the feeling that he should be giving Castiel a family and they should be raising kids here. It wasn’t a feeling. It was a statement of principle, like gravity.

“Would you like something to drink?” Castiel asked behind him as he closed the door.

Dean looked around the living room and nodded. “Yeah.”

Castiel stepped around him and went behind the couch toward the archway where Dean could see the white cabinets of the kitchen. He followed behind Castiel. He felt the urge to look around the house more than he did to look at Castiel. There were inset bookshelves along one side of the living room. They were lined with old books with encyclopedia type covers. He caught the word medicine across the spine of a few. The couches matched, a deep brown soft looking leather set around a stone fireplace with a large TV hung above the mantle.

“What would you like?” Castiel asked.

“Whatever you’re having,” Dean said as he looked away from the living room and stepped into the kitchen.

Castiel stood at the sink, filling two glasses. He was only wearing the white shirt that had been beneath his suit earlier. The sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. His shoulders were tense. Dean could see it along the back of his neck. Dean went behind him and put his arms around his waist. He kissed softly along Castiel’s neck and felt his back relax against his chest as he exhaled.

“I love your home,” Dean said.

Castiel made a low noise. “Thank you.”

“Let me help you make it better,” he said against Castiel’s ear.

Dean didn’t even bat an eyelash at himself, but he didn’t do renovations, not really. Lisa had been asking him to put up a shelf in the bathroom for over six months and it was still sitting in the shed. It wasn’t that he didn’t know how, he just got sidetracked and he forgot. None of that registered as he thought of things he could do to this house to make Castiel happier, to make it easier for him to love this place, to make it a home where Castiel could be happy raising their children.

“I would like that,” Castiel said, squeezing Dean’s arm around his middle.

Dean smelled the sharpness of tea leaf in Castiel’s hair with hints of lemon. He wasn’t a guy that cared about that stuff. He didn’t give a remote shit normally, but he inhaled deeply. Then he turned Castiel around and angled up his chin. He wanted to look at him, like something ridiculously and simple crafted. He wanted to appreciate the blue of his eyes and the swell of his lips, but Castiel crashed into his mouth.

A switch went off like a giant breaker being flipped. That was all it took, like a flood of relief and lust. Castiel wanted this, so Dean could want it. Appreciation flew right out the window and sharp lust cut down his gut to his groin. He opened his mouth against Castiel’s devouring the flavor of his mouth. Castiel’s stubble was like sandpaper. Before this, he never would’ve thought that would turn him on as much as it did. It hadn’t been like that when he kissed Benny Lafitte on a dare in high school. Nothing at all like it. This was like taking X and Viagra and being given his best porn star, but so much better.

He picked Castiel up and sat him on the counter, standing between his spread thighs and kissing him hard. Castiel fought with the button of his own pants before starting to force them down. Dean caught the waist of them and pulled them off Castiel’s thighs with his underwear. He took off Castiel’s shoes without breaking the contact of their mouths. When the thudded to the floor, Castiel’s pants hit right after, leaving him naked from the waist down. Then Dean yanked at Castiel’s tie and shirt. He pulled the tie over Castiel’s head and the buttons of his shirt tinged in the sink as they broke. Castiel didn’t seem to care as he yanked his own undershirt over his head and went back to Dean’s mouth, wrapping his legs around Dean and pulling him closer.

Castiel slipped the button of Dean’s jeans and pushed them down until his hands wrapped around Dean’s dick.

“Shit,” Dean said roughly against Castiel’s mouth.

Castiel knotted one of his hands in Dean’s shirt and yanked him closer. Dean’s eyes squeezed shut when his dick rubbed into slick warmth. Instinctively, he pushed against it, lubing himself in the fluid coming from Castiel. Then a part of Dean that he was very familiar with perked up and he pulled away.

Castiel was wet.

Castiel was a guy.

He groaned gut deep, but Castiel was an omega. He sank to his knees as Castiel clutched his shirt and tried to drag him back up.

“Dean, please.”

“Easy, I’m gonna take care of you, Cas,” Dean said.

The last time he’d seen an omega below the waist was helping change Sam’s diapers. His mom had always told him to make sure the small slit, that didn’t look much different than a paper cut between Sam’s junk and butt was clean or else he’d get an infection.

Dean pulled up Castiel’s balls and saw the opening. It almost looked like a vagina, but when he spread it open there wasn’t a clit or hood, it was just wet and soft with slight puffiness around the edges. Dean spread Castiel’s thighs wider and licked into the slit. He felt Castiel tense and more wetness was forced from the hole. It was kind of salty. It made Dean’s tongue tingle as he dipped further in, locking his lips to Castiel’s skin.

He kept licking and sucking at Castiel’s groin, up to his balls, rolling them in his mouth, sucking on his dick before going back down to his hole and starting to finger it. He had to grip Castiel’s hips to keep him still when he started to twist above Dean, trying to get closer and further away when Dean hit different areas.

“More, please,” Castiel said roughly when Dean finally managed to hold him still with two fingers buried in Castiel’s body.

Dean could’ve stayed where he was for longer, a lot longer, but he only licked into Castiel one more time before standing up. He brushed his fingers that had been in Castiel against his lips. Castiel sucked them in, closing his eyes as his mouth vibrated around Dean’s fingers.

“Where’s the bedroom?” Dean asked, trying to burn the image of Castiel sucking his fingers into his head.

“Just do it here.”

 “Not going to fuck you for the first time on a counter.”

He pulled Castiel down and set him on his feet. Castiel made an irritated little noise before walking in front of Dean. Dean tucked himself back into his underwear before following. Now he didn’t care about the house, he was watching the way Castiel’s back moved when he walked, the way his ass flexed.

As they went up the stairs, Dean caught glimpses of saliva and slick on Castiel’s inner thighs. The only thing that kept him from putting Castiel on the floor was a stronger voice saying that Castiel deserved better than to be fucked on the floor, this time. There would be time to put bruises on Castiel’s knees from hardwood later. That same voice was pretty confident that this would be first time anyone had been in Castiel’s opening. He was sure Castiel had had sex before. People didn’t kiss like that and fuck into a blow job like that unless they had experience. But not that hole. That hole was Dean’s.

They went down a hallway, then Castiel opened a door and pulled him into his bedroom. It had the same kind of smell as the rest of the house, like it wasn’t used enough, but it looked cozy. The king sized bed was made up with a silver comforter and brown sheets. It was a weird combo, but Dean found he really liked it. It was masculine, but comfortable. He could see Castiel sleeping there and it made his heart do a warm little flip.

Then Castiel was yanking him down on the bed by his hand. He caught himself before he squished Castiel’s groin beneath his hips. He wasn’t sure it was possible for him to think Castiel’s eyes were prettier, but when they were blown out with lust like this, they reached a whole new level. He kissed Castiel as he pulled up his legs and slotted himself against the wetness. He rocked against Castiel as he kissed him deeply, pushing his fingers into his soft brown hair. He only pulled away when his dick felt the give of Castiel’s body. He watched those blue eyes widen slightly as he sank in carefully, feeling Castiel’s body expand for him. It was a close second to the elation he’d seen on Castiel’s face when he first saw him.

Then he bent and kissed Castiel again as he started to move. He moved slowly in case Castiel was tender and steadily built a rhythm with the noise of their bodies and Castiel’s noises urging him on. It didn’t ever get rough, not even really fast. He wanted it to last. He wanted to cum in Castiel, he wanted to get Castiel off, but more he just wanted to feel him. He wanted to memorize the feeling of his body beneath him and his sweet rough noises.

Castiel came first. It was a weird feeling with wetness spreading between their stomachs and move wetness flooding his hole as it clenched around Dean. It was the oddness of it that kept Dean from climaxing until a few minutes later with Castiel worn out and warm beneath him. Dean kissed him one more time after he came back to himself before laying beside him, staring at the ceiling as he gained his breath.

“Worth the wait,” Castiel said with his eyes closed, smiling.

Dean took Castiel’s hand on the bed between them as he panted. “Don’t know what the fuck’s going on, Cas.”

“What do you mean?”

“This,” Dean gestured to the ceiling and all around them. “Don’t get me wrong, I love it, but still.”

“You’re my mate.”

Dean opened his eyes and looked at the dimness of evening on the ceiling. He rolled on his side toward Castiel, propping himself on his elbow.

“Yeah I got that far.”

Castiel looked at him with open curiosity on his face. “What else do you need to know?”

“I don’t know. I’m just kind of blindsided by this whole thing. I went to talk to my brother and he helped smooth some of it out, but I’ve got questions.”

“Your brother, he’s an omega?”

“Yeah.”

Castiel nodded, like something made sense to him. “Ask whatever want.”

“I don’t even know where to start. How about you just fill me in on what you know?”

Castiel looked back at the ceiling with his lip pursed slightly as he thought. When Dean saw the goose bumps along Castiel’s arm, he pulled the blankets and sheets out from beneath them and pulled them back up until they laid over Castiel’s bare chest. He could’ve purred when Castiel smiled at him, pulling the blankets a little higher on his own chest.

“How old is your brother?” Castiel asked.

“Twenty-five.”

 “That was around the age that I went looking for answers to being what I am. It isn’t a secret that omegas died out nearly a century ago then when I was born there was a resurgence. I’m part of the first generation since the last died in 1921. There were fifty of us from what we’ve been able to gather, all born in privileged countries with the surest footing in technological advances and social reform.”

“How do you know?” Dean asked.

“When I went for answers, I found someone else trying to catalogue the number of new omegas. He was the first born of the new generation, his name is Michael. He lives in Georgia. He had a kind of blueprint given to him.

“All omegas are born, at least since my generation, to have a pull to find a mate,” Castiel reached up and rubbed at the center of his chest. “It was this incessant itch in my chest that began to ache as I got older. There was such a need to fill it, but there was also an innate knowledge that it would be filled in time and I had to become strong on my own. Michael only affirmed this for me. So I completed my doctorate and opened a practice. Once I was settled, the ache grew worse, almost painful like constant heartburn.”

Dean put his hand over Castiel’s chest, like he could make it better and Castiel would stop looking so sad. Castiel smiled at him, even if it was kind of sad smile.

“Michael told me that I only needed to see my mate to know him. That the creator had told him that was how it worked, so I walked everywhere. I would drive five hours from my home in Missouri to walk random streets in small towns, in cities. I did that for three years. The week before I met you I was in Brazil, because I enjoy their food and I hoped my mate may be Brazilian,” Castiel said with a small laugh.

Dean couldn’t laugh, because that was awful. It made him feel hollowed out.

“I’m sorry, Cas,” he said, taking Castiel’s hand and kissing his fingers.

Castiel squeezed his hand. “I was beginning to wear thin until today and then none of it hurt any longer. I feel whole and thinking of a family makes me very happy when before it made me anxious.”

Dean put his arm over Castiel’s stomach and moved closer until his lower body was touching the side of Castiel’s thigh.

“Why don’t alphas know about this?” Dean asked. “It’d be nice to know this was a thing, instead of thinking it was just some bullshit that people make up occasionally.”

Castiel looked up at Dean with his head on one of the pillows. “Do you know why omegas died out?”

“Genetics? I don’t know I’m not into biology.”

“They were taken away,” Castiel said. “In the beginning, omegas were put here to be loved, to be mothers and fathers, but over the centuries they became degraded. They were put into brothels and used as objects for sexual gratification. Even those that weren’t could be left by their partners and left to raise a family alone. They weren’t allowed education, property, rights. Somehow their softness for their family had been misconstrued and they became second class citizens, so the creator intervened.

“My generation was a trial run with new protections implemented. We wouldn’t be left to brothels, because we would have a mate, an alpha, normally with a close relationship to another omega, so they see us as more than something to be owned. The chemistry behind it was simple, without the bond there was a strong chance the omega and alpha would have come together anyway, but this ensured that when they did, the omega couldn’t be abandoned while they were pregnant and vulnerable or caring for a young family. It promised that the omega would be cared for as well.”

Dean touched Castiel’s cheek, stroking his thumb over his cheekbone. “So that’s why I feel half crazy about already getting you knocked up?”

“Do you?”

Dean nodded.

Castiel smiled and Dean felt like his heart might just break apart. If this was what God had put together for them then he felt like the luckiest son of a bitch in the world.

“You’re going to stay then,” Castiel asked.

“Of course.”

“But,” Castiel swallowed hard like he would rather be killed in the nuts than say what he was about to. “You have a wife.”

“It sucks, but I’ll do what I have to,” Dean said. For the first time since he’d walked in Castiel’s door, he remembered Lisa and it made him sick to his stomach. He felt bad, but he didn’t pull away from Castiel, his options had walked right out the door when he walked in.

“Do you love her?”

Dean clenched his lips as he thought. “If you’d asked me this morning, I would’ve said yes, without a doubt, but now? No. I wish I did, but it’s just not there.”

“Dean,” Castiel said quietly. “I can turn it off, if you want me to. I think it only works for when you’re looking for your mate. You can shut it down if you aren’t ready for them, but I could try it now.”

Dean’s heart seized up behind his ribcage then began to pound like a drum. He’d done speed once in high school and it felt like that, like it was going to beat out of his chest as panic made his hair follicles stand on end.

“No.”

Relief washed over Castiel’s face and that worked like a Xanax over Dean’s nervous system.

Dean kissed Castiel again, slow and deep. They made love again with Castiel riding Dean’s hips. Dean watched him while the shadows played over his lean toned body without knowing or caring that his phone was vibrating repeatedly in the cup holder of his car.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long time to update. This is a short chapter. I hope to have another up soon, but I'm swamped with writing projects for school, so I'll give it my best go.

The next morning, Dean woke up at the same time as Castiel. Morning wood and Castiel’s warm ass against him did them no favors. Slow, half-asleep morning sex and another make out session against Castiel’s car meant that Dean was almost half an hour later than usual when he slid into the front seat of his Impala and drove to Bobby’s.

He was pulling into his regular spot with his heart beating a happy rhythm when he saw the half gallon of orange juice sitting in the passenger seat. He stopped singing the Kansas song on the radio and stared as a chunk of ice formed in the pit of his stomach.

His cellphone was in the cup holder. He picked it up on autopilot while his mouth dried out. There were six missed calls from Lisa and seven text messages. They were sent every hour until eleven last night. They went from concerned to pissed to concerned again, asking where he was.

The last one said: _I called Sam. He said you passed out on his couch. You could have called._

Dean pulled up a new text message. He knew he should call her, but he couldn’t because he thought he might vomit.

_Sorry. My phone was dead. Didn’t mean to get that drunk._

Lisa’s text came before he could get out of the car.

Lisa: _Whatever. Be home tonight._

Dean propped his lower face on his palm as he stared out over the field and his mind ran with guilt and fear and his stomach twisted into knots.

***

Bobby left him alone again at work, which was good, because Dean didn’t physically feel like he had the ability to talk. Anxiety locked up his jaw. When Castiel texted him around noon to ask if he would be able to come over that evening Dean told him he had to go to talk to Lisa. Castiel told him to come to his house if he need to. He even told Dean where the spare key was.

Dean worked late, because he was a pussy and he didn’t want to go home. He didn’t know what he was going to say. As a rule, people didn’t believe in mates. Sometimes it popped up in the news that an omega was partnered, but that’s all anyone ever thought it was, partnering, not knock-down-drag-out-they’re-so-fucked mates.

When he finally did pull up at the house, it was almost dark. He walked in and Ben was on the living room couch playing a video game. He whistled low when he saw Dean.

“She’s so pissed.”

Then Dean heard Lisa slam a pot down on the stove in the kitchen.

“Glad I’m not you,” Ben said.  

“Might want to go up to your room,” Dean said.

“I’m going outside,” Ben said, taking his Gameboy and going out the screen door Dean had just come in.

Dean went toward the kitchen and peaked in. Lisa was at the stove browning hamburger meat and beating the shit out of it with a spatula.

“What’d that beef ever do to you?” Dean asked.

He forced a smile as Lisa turned around and looked at him. One of her fist was clenched around the wooden handle, the other rested on her hip.

“You didn’t even call?” she asked. “Then you work late tonight without a call?”

“Sorry, we had a lot of stuff going on today.”

“And yesterday?”

“I went to Sam’s and time just got away from me.”

Lisa turned back to the stove shaking her head. “You know what? I don’t even want to talk about it. I thought we were done with this shit, Dean.”

“What shit? Me going to stay at my brother’s? I’m sorry I forgot to call.”

 “Just go. Dinner will be ready in thirty minutes.”

Dean went out of the kitchen and sat in the living room. He turned on the TV and watched a sitcom he normally loved. They laughed and his jaw remained so rigid he was surprised he could even breathe. He didn’t know why he wasn’t going in there and telling Lisa it had to be over, but he wasn’t and that hurt. It hurt because it was going to be worse on Lisa, picking a fight like this, in the long run and it hurt because all he wanted was to be at Castiel’s.

Time slipped in Dean’s mind as the TV played without his knowledge of what was happening. He didn’t realize that Lisa should’ve called for dinner awhile before until she came into the living room and sat sideways in his lap.

“I didn’t mean to be a bitch. I know you haven’t been able to see Sam much recently. I just wish you would’ve called,” she said, running her fingers through the front of his hair.

“Don’t say sorry. I should’ve called.”

“Well yeah, but I think we’ve moved past me being a bitch on the rare times you actually stay out late anymore. Especially when you’re just with Sam. Don’t think this is a free pass for bars. I’ll still rip you a new one for that.”

Dean smiled while it felt like his heart was being ripped out. She looked so sincere. She was so beautiful. He went to open his mouth, to spill everything and be honest. But when he did all that came out was,

“Deal.”

***

Late that night, after Lisa and Ben had gone to bed, Dean sat on the porch. He felt like he was going to be sick, but he pulled up Castiel’s phone number. He sent a text, trying not to think about it. He just wanted to be in Castiel’s bed, hugging him, holding him. But all he could think was he couldn’t do this to Lisa again when he’d already done it so many times. Finally, he sent a text and he didn’t try to stop the waterworks, because he knew it’d do no good.

_I’m sorry, Cas. I can’t do this to her. Please don’t come around me anymore._

It was almost one. He didn’t expect a reply and he didn’t get one as he sat and waited anyway. He was aware how pathetic it was that he just needed one word right then from Castiel to make it okay, to make him go in and do it, and go to him. That’s all he needed, but it didn’t come.

***

Dean left the next morning before Lisa woke up. He pulled up at Bobby’s shop when it was still dark. His chest ached like he’d been hit there repeatedly as he closed his eyes and leaned back in the seat, holding his phone and waiting for it to finally vibrate. He hadn’t slept. He was exhausted, but he was too pent up, miserable, hurting to sleep. He felt sick about how it was going to feel for Castiel to wake up to that text message.

With his eyes blurring for what felt like the thousandth time, Dean shut off his phone and threw it in the trunk before going into the garage and starting a pot of coffee.


	4. Chapter 4

It was a Friday when Dean sent the text message to Castiel. Time dragged through concrete past that. He kept waiting on pins and needles. He kept waiting for Lisa to somehow know about Castiel. He kept waiting for Castiel to come to the shop or for Lisa to ask what was wrong with him, but none of it happened. He went through the weekend locked in the shed out back, working on nothing and telling Lisa he had a project. He put up the shelf she wanted and that night when she tried to ride him, he told her he was tired.

Bobby didn’t say much either, just that he looked like shit, but he probably figured that Dean had ended the affair and it made him down. Dean told everyone he lost his phone. He left it in his trunk and tried to forget it existed.

He avoided Sam. He avoided him like the plague, as much as he could, which wasn’t much. When he went to dinner at their mom’s that week, like he did every Thursday, Sam gave him puppy dog eyes across the table like he’d been kicked. Dean ignored him and fed his mom’s Boston Terrier beneath the table.

When Sam left early, Dean helped their mom clear the table. She washed dishes and he rinsed them, sitting them on the drainer.

“Still need to get that part to fix the dishwasher,” Dean said, frowning down at his hands.

“I like washing them by hand. It’s relaxing,” Mary said, passing him a plate.

Dean took it and ran it beneath the warm water.

“So how is work?” Mary asked.

“Same old,” he said.

“Lisa and Ben?”

“They’re good. Ben had his first football practice the other day.”

“Did he? Did he like it?”

“Yeah he was pretty excited.”

The sink kept running between them until Mary was handing him the last of the dishes. She talked about her shop and how business was. He talked enough to keep her going. It was nice to just hear her talk. When they finished, Dean leaned back against the sink and dried his hands while Mary wiped down the glass top stove.

“How are you?” she asked.

Dean shrugged. “I’m good.”

“Good,” she said and smiled, but he could tell she didn’t believe him.

When he went to the front door after they’d finished cleaning, Mary hugged him at the door.

“Tell Lisa and Ben I said hi,” she said.

“Will do.”

“I love you. Drive carefully,” she said.

“I will. Love you too,” he said before leaning down to scratch his mom’s dog behind his ear. “See ya, Tank.”

The dog blinked his hazy cataracts at Dean and wagged his stubbed tail. Dean gave his mom another smile before going to his car. He sat at the end of the driveway for a moment and stared across the two-lane at a field. Without really considering, he turned left, instead of right, which would take him home.

He left the windows down even though the cold air numbed his ears. Bon Scott blared from the speakers and this far from town his high-beams were the only lights. When he had gone ten miles, he turned onto another blacktop. He did it like a maze. Ten miles, turn. Ten, again. If he hit gravel, then he back up and tried the next mile section.

When he stopped to get gas, he leaned against the cool metal of his rear quarter panel and tried to figure out where he was. He didn’t try hard and when he got back into his car, he kept driving.

***

He got home at 3am. He went up to bed and sat on the edge pulling off his boots as quietly as he could. Lisa leaned over and turned on the lamp on her bedside table.

“Where the hell were you? I tried calling you,” she said.

“Driving,” he said.

“Driving.”

“That’s what I said.”

“Where were you driving, Dean?” she asked angrily.

“Nowhere,” he said, laying down.

Dean turned his back to her and closed his eyes. He could hear her breathing for drug out minutes. He kept his shoulders as relaxed as he could even though he felt her watching him and knew she was on the edge of going off. If she did go off, he didn’t know what he’d do. He might just tell her everything or he might say nothing at all.

Eventually, she turned out the light and he felt her lay flat again. He was asleep soon after.

***

The next day, he went to work again before Lisa. When he got off work, he picked up Ben from football practice, then he took him home and went straight to Sam’s. He laid back on Sam’s couch and watched TV and drank beer with his brother.

At seven, Sam’s phone rang and Sam answered it where he sat on the recliner.

“Hey, Lisa,” Sam said. “Yeah, he’s here.”

Sam glanced at Dean and Dean shook his head.

“Uh, he’s in the bathroom, though,” Sam said. “Huh, yeah. I will. Okay, talk to you later.”

He hung up and Dean kept his eyes fixed on the TV.

“So, she doesn’t sound very happy,” Sam said.

“Surprise,” Dean said.

“What are you doing? Just trying to piss her off back enough that she leaves you?” 

Sometimes Dean didn’t like how Sam put things together. He really fucking didn’t. Sometimes Sam was too fucking smart for his own good.

“I’m just taking some time. Is that so damn bad?” Dean asked.

“It is when you’re married.”

“If you don’t want me here I’ll leave.”

“I didn’t say that,” Sam said.

“Okay then,” Dean said, looking back at the TV.

It was only the TV for a while and he hoped against hope that Sam would let it drop. He should’ve known better.

“I’m just saying it probably isn’t the best idea to make Lisa suffer because you don’t want to leave her,” Sam said. “You’ll just make both of you miserable and Ben.”

Dean didn’t say anything but they kept watching TV. As the shows kept going, the little bit of tension in the living room went away like it always did between them. They could be honest and then it just go away. When Lisa called again at ten, Sam didn’t answer.

***

The next month didn’t go well. Dean went to work, sometimes he went to Sam’s, sometimes he drove, and sometimes he went home. When he did go home, he would throw a football with Ben in the front yard. He’d try to only listen to the slap of the pigskin on his palms and Ben’s laughing, but through the open kitchen windows he could hear Lisa banging around.

When he walked into the kitchen for dinner two weeks after his text to Castiel, Lisa was making dinner. Dean opened the fridge and reached for a beer. The six pack he’d put in there the night before was gone. He bent to look on the shelves.

“Have you seen my beer?” he asked.

“I threw it out. It looked bad,” Lisa said, without turning from the stove.

“I just got them yesterday. You saw me bring them in.”

“Slipped my mind,” Lisa said, then she flipped on the radio beneath the cabinets and turned it up.

Dean slammed the fridge door and left the kitchen, going out to the shed. He didn’t come in for dinner. He broke in the Jack Daniel’s hidden in his tool chest and was drunk before he went to bed. He had dreams of the moonlight on stripes through the blinds over Castiel’s pale skin as he rode him. When he woke up, his boxers were tacked to his skin and Lisa’s side of the bed was cold.

***

The next night, he stayed with Sam. He went home the next day and Lisa yelled at him. Ben had gone to his grandparents for the weekend and she let him have it. She screamed and asked what was wrong with him, if he was cheating on her again. She started to cry and he was disgusted how little he cared.

He hugged her when he thought he should hug her, when the pause dragged out between them. She tried to fight him then just melted into it.

“I’m not cheating,” he said quietly against her hair.

“Stop acting this way,” Lisa said against his chest.

Dean rocked and hugged her, but he didn’t feel it. All he could think is if Castiel had cried and who would’ve been there to hug him or if he’d had to cry it out by himself.

They had sex that night. It was so dark in the room he couldn’t see her, but he could smell her. The coconut of her shampoo and the sweetness of her perfume. It nearly made him gag. Her moans almost made him soft. It kept dragging out so he squeezed his eyes shut and breathed through his mouth. He thought of Castiel’s sweet noises and gritted his teeth to keep from saying his name.

***

The next morning, Lisa seemed happier. She kissed him when she woke up. They went out for breakfast at the diner. Lisa talked about things that had happened to work. He smiled occasionally and nodded, but it all felt foggy. He was so tired. He hadn’t slept at all. A big knot of guilt was in his chest and it felt like he was going to die from it.

He’d cheated on Castiel and it was like something physical blocking his throat.

“Lisa,” he said quietly, cutting her off as he looked at the window.

“Yeah?” Lisa asked, taking another bite of her pancakes.

“I think I want to get divorced.” 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second update of the day, so don't miss the other or you might be a little confused. :)

To say Lisa took it badly was an understatement. She flipped shit and Dean didn’t blame her. He didn’t, but he couldn’t stay around to hear it.

“Dean, you don’t just get to leave!” Lisa yelled when he put clothes into his bag.

“If I stay we’re just going to fight.”

“No we’ll talk,” Lisa said, yanking his shoulder until he was looking at her. “What the hell is going on? You start this a few months ago and you just completely close me out? We’ll do therapy. I know your family has issues maybe-,” Lisa began and he couldn’t do it.

“I had sex with someone else.”

Lisa stopped talking. She closed her mouth and her lips thinned. “That isn’t something we couldn’t work through.”

“He’s my mate.”

Lisa shook her head. “Dean, that’s ridiculous. If you just stop and try, I can forgive you. I’ll just need some time.”

Dean stopped packing and looked at her. “I don’t want to work through it.”

“Dean, we have a family,” she said angrily, but it was covering panic and faintly his chest hurt for her.

“I’m sorry. I’ll come talk to Ben later if you want me to,” Dean said, zipping his bag and putting it over his shoulder.

Lisa followed him down the stairs, she kept talking and started crying. When he opened his trunk to put his bag in, he saw the silver glint of his cellphone and took it out. He got in the driver seat and turned on the phone as he drove toward town.

Castiel’s card was still on the dash. He looked at it and saw the hours of the clinic. On Saturday it was open until 3:00. It was 1:00. He drove out passed the town limits and kept driving the five miles.

The clinic was set on a large rural lot with iron horse corrals to the side of the tin-sided clinic. Dean got out and forced down his nerves, giddy excitement, and shit tons of guilt. He stepped into the building and the smell of bleach, dog food, and the slightly musky smell of dog came up from the small waiting room. No one else was there, but a wall was lined with shelves, holding bags of high-end dog food and treats.

“Can I help you?” a young blonde girl asked.

She was sitting in a little reception room that was connected to the waiting room by a big cut out in the wall. She smiled wide at him.

“Yeah. I’m here to see Cas.”

“Sure. What’s your name?”

“James,” Dean lied.

The girl stood up and went through another door at the back of the receptionist area. Dean put his hands in his pockets and tried not to fidget. He was okay until he heard the gravel of Castiel’s voice, then he thought his heart was going to leap into his throat.

The door to the waiting area opened and Castiel continued to talk to the girl for a few moments before he turned. Then he froze and Dean smiled nervously.

“Hey, Cas.”

“Katy, you can take your lunch. Leave through the back door please,” Castiel said.

“Okay I’ll be back. Did you want me to pick you up anything?”

“I’m fine.”

“Aw you have to keep up your strength, doc. Can’t let your girl go hungry,” Katy said and patted Castiel’s stomach with a bright smile.

“I’m fine,” Castiel said.

Dean felt the color drain out of his face as the girl walked away and Castiel looked at him. Dean looked down at his stomach and felt like his heart was beating way too fast. His blood was rushing in his ears and his mouth dried out.

“Hello, Dean.”

“You’re pregnant,” Dean said.

Castiel came into the room and closed the door behind him. “I’ve heard your chances increase when you have unprotected sex.”

Dean couldn’t even get irritated at the shitty tone. He was looking over Castiel’s face for anything wrong. The places beneath his eyes were dark. He looked like he’d lost weight and his hair was more messy than the last time Dean had seen him. As he watched, Castiel pushed his fingers back through his hair messing it up more.

“It’s mine?” Dean asked.

Castiel looked up at him and his pretty blue eyes were like ice. “Yes, Dean, it’s yours.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? Cas, I would’ve been here in a heartbeat.”

“I was told not to contact you again, so why are you here?”

“I-uh,” Dean said, clearing his throat. “I need a place to stay. I just left my wife. I can stay with Sam-.”

“You should go stay with your brother.”

Dean went a little bit closer until he could see the harsh texture of Castiel’s face and how tired he looked. It hurt his chest more than any of Lisa’s tears had. He looked down at Castiel’s stomach that still looked flat under his shirt and laid his hand against it.

“Cas, I’m so sorry,” Dean said quietly. “I know I fucked up, but I never stopped thinking about you. Never. I’ve been miserable.”

“You’ve been miserable? I took a pregnancy test and cried from panic. That should’ve been a very happy time for me, Dean.”

Dean’s eyes burned. “I’m so sorry. I wish I’d been there.”

Castiel took a step back. “I wish you had been too, but you weren’t.”

The front door came open and an old woman with a black cat in her arms came in.

“Mrs. Peterson, how are you?” Castiel asked, stepping around Dean. “And how is Thompson?” he asked, petting the cat’s head.

“He seems a little thin, doesn’t he?” the old woman asked.

The cat was so morbidly obese Dean almost laughed. Castiel glanced back at him.

“Maybe,” Castiel said. “Dean, I’m working. Go stay with your brother. I’ll call you when I need to reach you.”

If Castiel was going to take advantage of the woman being there, then Dean could too. He went forward and kissed Castiel, touching his dark soft hair.

“No problem. See you later, baby.”

Dean walked out and smiled at the sweet face Castiel made himself paste on. It just made him look constipated. He hadn’t missed the parting of Castiel’s lips at the end, though. That had made it worth it even if Dean knew it might make it rougher to kiss Castiel’s ass.

***

Dean picked up Sam on his way out of town. That was one of the best aspects of having a best friend out of your little brother, you said you wanted to run to the nearest city, over an hour away, and they just said alright. They didn’t ask what you planned on doing, they just asked how far away you were.

By 2 pm they were on the highway.

“You seem perky,” Sam said.

“I’ve been a lot worse,” Dean said, smiling.

He couldn’t help it. Even when being happy made him feel like shit, because he knew Lisa was heartbroken. She would be at home miserable, but he couldn’t really care. He’d seen Castiel for the first time in almost two months. He’d kissed him, even if it wasn’t a good kiss. Castiel was having their baby and his heart felt like it might just beat in half. There was a decent sized knot of anxiety and guilt about what to do to make Castiel forgive him though. It was a dark shadow over his little happy paradise.

“So what’re we going up here for?” Sam asked.

Dean laughed slightly. “Crazy shit. Cas is pregnant.”

Sam had so many emotions cross his face it was almost comical. But the first one was happiness and the last one was happiness. Between he looked kind of nervous.

“What about Lisa?”

“I left her this morning. I just,” Dean said and shrugged. “I wish I felt worse, but I can’t. Then I saw Cas and he’s pissed at me. He has a right to be. I wasn’t there and I should’ve been. So this is an ass-kissing trip and you’re going to help me.”

“You left Lisa?”

“Yeah.”

Sam gave his sad puppy dog smile. “Better late than never I guess.”

“Yeah it sucks,” Dean said, rubbing his hand forward and back over the steering wheel. “Ben’s going to take it hard, but I’ll still see him. At least if Lisa will let me.”

“You’ll have to. He’s crazy about you.”

“Pretty crazy about him too,” Dean said, frowning.

Sam reached over and patted his shoulder. Then he readjusted in his seat. “So, what’re we getting up here?”

“You’ll see,” Dean said.

***

Sam picked up a plastic thing that looked kind of like a horn and squinted at it. “I don’t even know what this is.”

Dean picked up the box and laughed as Sam put the demo up to his ear, like he could listen to it.

“Breast pump,” Dean said.

Sam dropped it on the shelf then rubbed his hand on his jeans. “So what did you even want to get him?”

“I don’t know. That’s why I brought you. What’s some omega-y stuff to get?”

“ _Omega-y_?”

“Yeah, like to make stuff easier. He looks really tired.”

“I’m sure that has nothing to do with stress,” Sam said quietly.

Dean frowned and felt the burning in his eyes again. He wiped beneath them. It was like a button, _oh you treated Cas like shit_ , instant tears. It made him feel like the worst person in the world and he wanted to lay down on the freeway until an 18-wheeler came along to smooch him.

“Sorry that was rude,” Sam said, squeezing Dean’s shoulder with sweet smile.

“True, though,” Dean said, rubbing his eyes harder as more tears came out. “He said he cried when he found out, because he was scared.”

Sam laughed quietly."You’re such a ball of mush.”

“Fuck you,” Dean said weakly.

“If it makes you feel better I hope when I find my mate they’re half as sappy.”

Dean pushed him. “Fuck, sick of these Hallmark moments.”

“Agreed, let’s go get your sorry basket together.”

***

At seven that night, Dean pulled into Castiel’s driveway. The lights were on in the first floor windows and Castiel’s car glittered in the driveway. Dean got out and closed his door quietly. He opened the trunk and took out the bags from a couple different stores.

He went up the steps to the porch and knocked on the door. It was quiet then he heard footsteps and the door came open. Castiel frowned at him.

“Dean.”

“Hey, Cas. Let me in, just a second.”

“Why?” Castiel asked, glancing down at the things in Dean’s hands.

“Just come on,” Dean said, and walked in brushing passed Castiel.

He went to the big couch and set the bags down. Castiel came over slowly and Dean patted the open end of the couch.

“Take a seat,” Dean said.

Castiel sat and eyed the bags like they might explode.

“So I’ve been a super shitty mate and it makes me want to off myself, so I got some shit to make me feel better. I hope they make some of this shit easier on you, but I know I’ve got other stuff to do. Just tell me what it is,” Dean said, as he opened the first bag.

“You didn’t have to buy anything,” Castiel said.

“Yeah I did,” Dean said.

He took out the body pillow the guy at the baby store recommended and tossed the bag on the floor.

“I don’t even know what this is, but the guy at the store said it was good for when you get bigger, for sleeping and stuff,” Dean said.

Castiel smiled small. “I was going to buy one tomorrow.”

“Well now you don’t have to,” Dean said, sitting it beside Castiel, who ran his hand over the dark blue fabric.

“Thank you, Dean.”

Dean shook his head and opened another bag. He took out the foot massager. “Seems like you’re on your feet a lot. Figured since you’re going to be carrying some more weight around this would help your feet.”

Before Castiel could say anything, Dean opened another bag.

“I got two of these, so let me know how they work,” Dean said, taking out the back massager that attached to an office chair or easy chair. “I thought you could take one to work and have one here. Do you have morning sickness?” Dean asked.

Castiel looked green that he’d even mentioned it and nodded. “Yes. Fairly severe.”

“I didn’t know for sure, so I got stuff for you in the mornings. I got crackers,” Dean said, taking them out. “And juice to get back some of your electrolytes and some soup that supposed to be easy on your stomach. Then A couple water bottles so you can always have something with you and I got some vitamins some woman at the store recommended for morning sickness. Don’t know if they’ll work, but might be worth a shot.”

Castiel smiled and his pretty blue eyes looked wet. “This is all very sweet, Dean.”

“There’s some more shit for baths and stuff that’s supposed to calm you down and candles. They’re probably worthless, but this hippy said they worked. Oh, and a few different things to put on your belly to make the stretch marks better.”

Castiel laughed quietly and reached for Dean’s hand. Dean took it and squeezed. Dean kneeled down beside him and kissed Castiel’s fingers.

“I’m so sorry, Cas,” Dean said.

“You’re off to a good start,” Castiel said with a slight smile.

“What do you know about the baby?” Dean asked, keeping Castiel’s hand and putting his other on Castiel’s thigh. He watched Castiel put his other hand on his flat tummy and his heart pattered at the sweet little unconscious gesture.

“It’s healthy,” Castiel said with a small smile. “I’m going to see an ultrasound on Wednesday.”

“Can I go with you?”

Castiel rubbed his thumb over Dean’s hand and nodded after a moment. “I’d like that.”

Dean’s heart beat hard and quick. He was about to lean up when his phone vibrated in his pocket. He dug it out and his stomach sank. Ben’s name was on his screen as it rang.

“I have to take this,” he said.

“Go ahead,” Castiel said.

Dean answered and went to the front door. He stepped outside and closed it behind him.

“Hey, Ben,” he said.

“Hey, Dean,” Ben said.

Dean closed his eyes. Ben sounded so young. “What’s going on?”

“I don’t know. Mom said you guys were getting divorced. Are you?”

“Yeah, buddy. I’m sorry. I’m still going to see you though. Promise.”

“Are you coming to my game Thursday?”

“Uh, I’ll try. I’ll have to talk to your mom, though.”

“Why can’t you guys just work it out?” Ben asked. It sounded kind of like a pout, but there was so much hurt in it. Lisa might not be able to make him hurt, but Ben was trampling his insides.

“Not this time.”

“But Mom’s saying you guys might do therapy.”

Dean opened his eyes and tilted his head back to look at the fan on the ceiling of the porch. “Don’t, uh, don’t get your hopes up. I love you, though buddy. This doesn’t change that.”

“But you don’t love Mom.”

“I love her too, but sometime that’s just not enough.”

The line was quiet for a long time and Dean couldn’t say bye, so he just let Ben sit quiet on the other end.

“Okay. I guess I’ll talk to you later then,” Ben said.

“For sure. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah,” Ben said. “I know.”

Ben hung up and Dean stood on the porch for a few minutes longer. The big oaks around Castiel’s porch rustled in the dark. It was cool and smelled like rain. Dean breathed it in until he opened the screen and went back inside.

The bags were gone from the couch. The boxes sat on the coffee table and Dean heard Castiel in the kitchen. He went in there and Castiel was putting away the few groceries Dean had bought.

“Have you eaten?” Castiel asked.

“No. Have you?”

“I’m not hungry. My stomach is unsettled.”

“Could you eat soup or something?”

“I might later. I ate some at lunch,” Castiel said. Then he turned away from the cabinets. “When did you leave your wife?”

Dean clicked his phone and looked at the time. “About ten hours ago.”

Castiel nodded. “I thought it was recent. Will you be filing for divorce soon?”

“On Monday.”

“I’d like it if you would stay with Sam until your wife has signed,” Castiel said quietly. “I don’t want to put myself through this again if you change your mind.”

“Cas, I’m not going to.”

“You said that before and I was left pregnant and alone.”

Dean looked down and made himself nod as much as he didn’t want to. “Can I still see you at least?”

“Of course. I still would like it if you would come to the ultrasound.”

“What about tomorrow? Can I come over tomorrow?”

“Yes,” Castiel said.

Dean went closer to Castiel. He waited to see if Castiel would act weird, stand-offish, but he didn’t. He just looked up at Dean with his sweet big eyes when Dean got closer. Dean leaned down and kissed him carefully. He cupped Castiel’s cheek and Castiel put his arm around his back. When Dean opened his mouth and Castiel let him kiss him deep a few times, then Castiel pressed back on his chest.

“I think I’m going to go to sleep,” Castiel said.

“Okay,” Dean said. He kissed Castiel between his eyes. “I missed you so much.”

“You have no idea,” Castiel said.

Dean kissed his cheek and Castiel turned into him again catching him mouth. Castiel wound his hand in Dean’s shirt and kissed him hard and deep. Dean was about to pick him up when Castiel pushed away.

“I’m sorry,” Castiel said. “I’m not trying to tease you.”

“It’s fine,” Dean said, laughing quietly with his breathing rough.

“You should go,” Castiel said.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Castiel nodded.

Dean hugged Castiel before making himself pull away. He hardly let himself look at Castiel before he was out the front door.

He couldn't even be frustrated when he was on the couch at Sam’s house, watching a movie with his brother. He felt kind of like he was floating as he and Sam laughed. He texted Castiel a few times to ask him how he felt and if he were able to sleep. When Castiel stopped replying, he smiled faintly. He could picture Castiel asleep in bed. He couldn’t help picturing him with his pale belly puffed out, even though he knew it wasn’t true yet.

When Sam had gone to bed, Dean laid on the couch, messing around on his phone when he got another text. He was excited until he saw it was from Lisa.

Lisa: _Please come home. I want to work this out. Ben misses you. He doesn’t understand what’s going on._

The high Dean had been on dampened. He didn’t know what to say. He knew it wasn’t going to make Lisa feel better. It was 2 am. He could get away with acting like he were asleep, so he didn’t reply.


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning, Dean walked into the small diner with Sam, he spotted their mom at a booth toward the back, along the exterior wall. She was reading a newspaper with her reading glasses on. She looked up when she heard the bell over the door and stood up, smiling.

“Dean, I didn’t expect you,” She said, hugging him tightly. “I’m glad you got out of bed, though.”

“Yeah figured breakfast was worth it,” Dean said.

Then Mary pulled away and hugged Sam as Dean slid in the booth and Sam slid in beside him.

“You should’ve brought Lisa and Ben,” Mary said.

Dean glanced at Sam and rubbed the back of his own neck. Sam gave him a tiny reassuring smile.

“What?” Mary asked cautiously.

“Uh,” Dean said, clearing his throat and hunching forward. “I, uh, I left Lisa yesterday. I’m filing for divorce tomorrow.”

Mary frowned. She looked confused, but not as confused as Dean expected her to be. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay,” Dean said.

“Can you tell me why?” Mary asked.

“Yeah, uh, this is the other kicker, so just bare with me,” Dean said, picking up a napkin and tearing it into tiny squares. “A few months ago I met this omega, the new vet, Cas, and…” Dean said and glanced at Sam again. Sam gave him another smile and Dean fidgeted more. “He’s my mate and we fooled around, and he’s pregnant, so there ya go, grandma.”

For a second, it was so quiet he could hear the scrape of the short order cook’s spatula on the griddle and the arms of the clock behind their booth. Then his mom’s cool hand closed over his and he glanced up. She was smiling. It was a small smile, but it was honest.

“Are you serious?”

“As a heart attack.”

“Dean, that’s wonderful.” Then she shook her head. “I’m sorry. I know Lisa’s probably heartbroken, but I’m so happy for you.”

Dean laughed slightly and felt his throat tighten up. It wasn’t the reaction he’d expected. He knew his mom was never Lisa’s biggest fan. She’s never forgiven her for all the times Lisa had fucked around on Dean in the beginning, even though they’d been doing it to each other. Lisa did have the last fling before they got married though and it had broken Dean’s heart. He didn’t think his mom had ever quite gotten over that one.

It felt so good to just be happy about it for a few seconds. It was good. He had a mate that he was crazy about and he was going to be a dad. And he’d finally pulled his head out of his ass. It felt really good.

“Thought you were going to be pissed,” Dean said.

“It’s not my place to get mad if things don’t work out in your relationships,” Mary said. “When do we get to meet him?”

“I don’t really know yet. I’m kissing ass pretty hard right now to make up for the shit I dragged him through over Lisa. I’ll try to bring him to dinner soon.”

“You said he’s the new vet?”

“Yeah,” Dean said.

“Tank has an appointment this week.”

“Do you think I should bring him over before that?” Dean asked.

Mary shrugged her thin shoulders. “If you want. Otherwise, I’ll just introduce myself.”

“You think you can keep your hands off his stomach?” Dean asked with a slight smile.

“He isn’t showing yet, is he?”

“No, but Dean already won’t shut up about it,” Sam said, looking down at his menu.

“Then I’m sure I’ll be able to keep my hands to myself,” Mary said, but she gave Dean another bright smile and did a small happy dance in her seat. “I can’t believe we’re going to have a baby in the family.”

His mom’s smile was so wide that Dean couldn’t help smiling the same. He hadn’t ever really thought of having kids, so he’d never thought of telling his mom she’d be a grandma. He’d never thought she’d be so happy.  

“Sorry,” she said. “I’ll control myself. It’s just so exciting.”

“You have any advice on morning sickness? He’s been feeling like shit,” Dean said.

“Well with you all I could eat was cherries for the first few months. I could eat pie with cherries, but that was as far as it got. Anything else and I’d be running for the toilet,” then she nodded toward Sam. “And with you, I couldn’t eat anything but pasta. I turned into a blimp.”

Sam smiled slightly, but he looked like he needed to shit or something as he rubbed one of his hands forward and back on his jeans.

“So Cas just needs to find something he likes to eat?” Dean asked.

“Maybe or he might just not feel good for a while. I’m sure having you around and less stress in general will help,” Mary said.

Dean took a drink of his pop to steam the swell of hurt in his throat before it could pop up from the overwhelming thoughts of neglecting Castiel. His mom didn’t seem to notice as she listed off things Castiel should try eating and books they should get.

Dean talked with her, getting more excited and more pride welling up at the thought of it all. He didn’t realize Sam had hardly said anything until they were leaving and Sam gave a forced smile to their mom after they hugged.

“Be back at your house later,” Dean said, squeezing his shoulder.

“Sure. See you later,” Sam said, giving him another fake smile as he walked out of the diner.

He mom watched Sam’s back until the bell above the door dinged. She was frowning as she stirred another sugar into her coffee.

“Poor baby. He gets so impatient,” Mary said.

Dean glanced at the window and watched Sam get into his Volvo. “Dammit. I didn’t even think about not talking about it in front of him.”

“Don’t do that. He’ll get used to it and he’ll love being an uncle.”

“I guess,” Dean said, looking away as Sam drove out of the lot.

Dean talked with his mom while longer about things he and Castiel would need to think about and things they’d need to buy while he waited for an order of food to take to Castiel. For a while, he didn’t worry about Lisa, he just got a look into this new chapter and he liked it.

***

After, Dean drove out to Castiel’s house. The front door was open when he got there, so he knocked on the siding and opened the screen.

“Cas?”

“Come in,” Castiel called.

Dean went in and smelled cleaners. When Castiel came down the stairs he was holding a bottle of Pledge, a dirty rag, and tugging a mask down from his nose.

“Brought you breakfast or lunch, maybe,” Dean said, holding out the Styrofoam container.

“What is it?” Castiel asked, looking at it from halfway down the stairs like he might puke.

“Chicken fried steak,” Dean said.

Castiel looked like he was going to puke.

“Kidding, Cas,” Dean said. “Just grits and fruit. Figured it’d be easy on your stomach.”

Actually his mom had thought it would be easy on his stomach, but there was no need for Castiel to know that his family knew. Not yet. Castiel came a little closer, like a stray dog that had been offered food.

“Is there a lot of butter?” Castiel asked.

“I told them to go easy on it. Not greasy,” Dean said.

“Any meat?”

“On the side, but wrapped up in foil, so it didn’t get on anything.”

Castiel smiled and took the container. “Thank you.”

Dean followed Castiel to the kitchen where he put the container into the fridge. Then he turned and smiled a kind of sweet shy smile at Dean.

“I’d like to show you something,” Castiel said.

“Sure,” Dean said.

Castiel went back through the living room and Dean followed him out onto the porch then across the driveway to the large barn. Dean frowned when Castiel tugged on the sheet-metal door. It looked like tetanus waiting to happen. The door screeched open and Dean followed Castiel into the smell of old hay and horse feed.

Castiel went to the large sliding door and shoved it back, letting the afternoon sunlight stream in through dust motes. The barn was lined on either side of a wide aisle by horse stalls that clearly hadn’t been used in some time. In the middle of the hay strewn aisle was a covered car.

Dean helped Castiel undo the front, secured beneath the bumper and helped Castiel peel it back over the top until the tarp laid on the floor and the yellow 429 Boss stood uncovered.

“Goddamn, Cas,” Dean said, looking over the car’s panels.

“When I met you I was coming to see if you guys could restore the motor and stuff,” Castiel said.

Dean got on his knees to look under the car. For a ’70 it was in extremely good condition. Only a few panels had rust and even those hadn’t been eaten through.

“Whose was it?” Dean asked, opening the drive side door.

The interior was a wreck. The seats were torn up and mouse shit was in the carpet. Still it had that old car smell of promise, gritty, grainy, and American built muscle.

“My dad’s. He gave it to me during college,” Castiel said.

Thinking about Castiel driving this car didn’t help anything, except developing a bulge in his pants.

“And she’s a stick? What’re you trying to do to me, Cas?” Dean asked.

Castiel laughed slightly. “Yes. I learned to drive in it.”

“Bet that clutch is worn out then,” Dean said.

Castiel frowned. “No. I was a very fast learner.”

“Kidding, Cas. I’m sure it’s been changed since then.”

“Possibly.”

“Does it run?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t driven it in years.”

“Yeah, but when was the last time you started it?” Dean asked.

“When I put it in storage a few years ago. When the movers put it in here, they only rolled it.”

Dean shook his head. “You’re daddy’s abused you, pretty girl,” patting the roof of the car.

“Not all of us can be mechanics, Dean,” Castiel said.

“No, but lucky you, you’re just cute enough to get the attention of one,” Dean said.

Castiel smiling slightly and looked away. It was kind of an exasperated look, but it made Dean’s heart patter a little bit. It was so cute. Before he could fuck himself over by trying to go kiss Cas or molesting his still flat belly with his hands, he pulled the catch for the hood and went around to lift it.

The hinges on the hood creaked as it came open and Dean looked down at the big rat’s nest right on the carburetor. He shook his head and pulled the mess away. It looked old and nothing came out of it, so he figured it was from where the car had been before.

“Did you lay down any rat poison or mothballs?” Dean asked.

“No, should I have?” Castiel asked.

Dean almost hummed when he felt Castiel’s body heat from Castiel standing so close, so he could look over his shoulder into the engine bay. He could smell him. The clean smell of his skin, the sweet, tinglyness of his shampoo. He just wanted to reach over and lick him. One night hadn’t been enough, not nearly.

“Dean?”

Dean realized he’d been staring and shook himself. “What?”

“Should I have used mothballs?”

“Yeah. Probably. The rats have probably gotten into your electrical system, so that’ll have to be redone. Luckily on cars this old the wiring is pretty simple, so it won’t be bad. But they got into your interior too, so you’ll have look into someone to upholster the seats. I can put in new carpet, though. All that’s secondary to getting this motor cleaned up and making sure the powertrain is in good order.”

Dean saw Castiel’s eyes glaze. He got that look most of the time when he talked to people at the shop about what was wrong with their cars. They tried to follow along, but most of it was like he was speaking a foreign language. He figured it’d be the same thing if Castiel tried to explain spaying a cat or something.

“Basically, watch your fingers,” Dean said, then he let the hood drop. “Basically, I’ll get ya taken care of. We’ll get it over to Bobby’s sometime this week if you want.”

Castiel shook his head. “I shouldn’t be spending extra money on this with the baby coming. I still need to setup the nursery and have enough to cover my leave from the office after.”

“I’ll get it over there and look at it. If it looks like it’ll need a new motor or something then we’ll cross that bridge, but I’m sure it just needs to be cleaned up.”

“Dean, you don’t have to.”

“I want to.”

“That’s very sweet,” Castiel said.

“Nah, I just can’t stand the thought of this rusting away,” Dean said. “Has nothing to do with her cute, knocked up owner.”

Castiel laughed slightly. “I’m sure.”

“Nope, nothing at all,” Dean said.

Dean couldn’t help himself reaching out and taking Castiel’s hand as he leaned backward against the car. Castiel’s narrow fingers were cool in his. He tugged Castiel slightly until he stood between Dean’s slightly spread legs. Standing this way, with Dean rested against the car, Castiel was taller.

“You’re so pretty.”

Castiel rolled his eyes and looked away, but didn’t move. “Stop.”

Dean touched Castiel’s cheek and it made Castiel’s skin look so pale. He really did look like he hadn’t felt good, like he’d been stressed. Still, he was gorgeous. He knew it was probably the mate thing, but he thought Castiel was the sexiest, sweetest thing he’d ever seen, even worn out and tired looking.

“I’m such an idiot,” Dean said, rubbing his cheek with his thumb.

Castiel glanced at him and Dean’s heart broke a little further when he saw the hurt feelings there.

“I’m so sorry, Cas. I don’t know how I stayed away so long,” Dean said.

“You had a family,” Castiel said without meeting Dean’s eyes. “You hardly know me. I had no right to ask for you.”

“You didn’t ask to get a guy who was married. You sure as hell didn’t ask to get knocked up and left.”

Castiel looked at Dean then shook his head. “I feel like I ruined a home. I have no right to be mad when I’ve caused someone I don’t know to be intensely unhappy. I’ve taken you from someone and that makes me feel terrible.”

“Would you take it back?” Dean asked, looking at Castiel until Castiel finally looked back. “Huh? Would you take back meeting me or getting pregnant?”

“No,” Castiel said and shook his head. “I wish I could say that I weren’t that selfish.”

“I don’t. I never loved her this much, Cas. Not when we first got together, not when we got married, not the day before I met you. It never happened. I didn’t want kids with her. I want them with you. I want a family.”

Castiel looked up from his own feet again and Dean almost choked to see his eyes were wet. It didn’t take a genius to see the self-doubt there and that was bailing twine around Dean’s heart.

“Then you’re happy? You won’t regret this?”

“No,” Dean said, then he pulled Castiel forward, so he could push his forehead to Castiel’s. “When I didn’t come back it wasn’t because I regretted it. I didn’t think I deserved to be this happy. I probably don’t, but I’m not stupid enough to turn my back on it twice.”

Dean ran his fingers through the side of Castiel’s soft dark hair and exhaled through his nose. He didn’t even know this guy, not really, but his heart was just liquefying. It was puddling in his ribcage and it was so sweet it almost hurt. He wanted to know him. He wanted to know him so much.

Then Castiel angled his head and pressed against Dean’s lips. Dean kissed him back, holding Castiel close as Castiel took his lip between his teeth. Dean took advantage and licked into Castiel’s mouth, only to taste him again and twisted his hand in the back of Castiel’s shirt.

Castiel pulled up Dean’s shirt and felt his stomach then he pulled away with his lips twisted up. Dean frowned with his shirt pulled up almost to his nipples.

“You alright?” Dean asked.

Castiel held up his hand slightly hunched over and Dean saw him go a few shades paler. A cold chill went down Dean’s spine. He was afraid he’d pushed Castiel too far, that they’d moved too quickly, too far after what he’d done. Then Castiel gagged and water splattered the aisle. Castiel heaved again then spit on the floor, before wiping his mouth on the back of his arm.

His eyes and nose were running when he glanced at Dean. “I’m sorry. My stomach…”

“You’re fine. Let’s get you in the house,” Dean said, putting his hand on Castiel’s back guiding him toward the house. He could’ve purred when Castiel leaned into his side. He slid his arm around Castiel’s back and kissed his hair. “I’m sorry you don’t feel good.”

“It’s been normal for the last few weeks,” Castiel said with his voice more graveled than usual.

He obviously said it to make Dean feel better, like he could handle it because he’d been going through it, but, like usual, it just stomped Dean’s heart a little more.

“Do you have a TV in your room?” Dean asked.

“Yes,” Castiel said.

“Then come on,” Dean said, as he pulled Castiel inside then supported most of his weight up the stairs.

He’d replayed his walk down this hallway so many times over the last few months. The feel of Castiel’s mouth against his throat, his smooth lean body against Dean’s, his noises. Now, he was all but hauling that surprisingly heavy ass down the same hall and sitting him on the edge of the bed.

Dean kneeled down and took off Castiel’s shoes then slipped off his coat. Castiel was just wearing a t-shirt, so Dean left it on, but he slid his jeans off and Castiel let him before Dean got him settled under the covers.

“Can you bring me a washrag?” Castiel asked.

“Sure,” Dean said.

Dean went down the hallway and into the bathroom he’d showered in the morning after he and Castiel spent the night together. He wetted down a fresh rag he found under the sink with luke warm water then went back to the bedroom. Castiel wiped his own face, then his forearm, and his neck. When he finished, he sank into the pillows.

“Do you need water?”

“Please.”

Dean went back down the stairs to the kitchen and made a glass of water and grabbed a package of crackers before jogging back up to the second floor. Castiel was on his side, watching the TV that was at the end of the bed when Dean came back in. Dean handed him the water and put the crackers on the bedside table.

“You want some company?” Dean asked.

“You don’t have to waste your Sunday with me.”

“Hardly wasting,” Dean said. “Care if I stay?”

“I’d like that.”

Dean took off his boots and got into the other side of the bed, sitting up against the headboard. He tugged Castiel over a little bit and Castiel laid his cheek on Dean’s thigh. Dean laughed slightly when he saw the screen.

“Food Network?”

“It helps,” Castiel said, “And I enjoy it.”

Dean dragged his fingers over the back of Castiel’s back and tried to piece together what the people were doing.

“What’re they doing? What’s in the baskets?” Dean asked.

“They’re given ingredients at the beginning of each round then told to make a dish with them with only a half hour,” Castiel said.

“Ah.”

“I pity the judges.”

“No joke,” Dean said. “What is that?”

“Durian. It’s banned on public transport in parts of Asia for its smell.”

“And they’re going to eat it?”

“Yes,” Castiel said. Then he made a low noise and rubbed his cheek against Dean’s thigh. “That feels good.”

Dean looked down and smiled at Castiel, whose eyes were closed as Dean rubbed his neck. He drug his fingers a little deeper up Castiel’s spine and heard a small graveled noise in his throat. As they kept watching the rounds of the show, Dean kept getting dragged into it and he kept asking Castiel questions about what they were cooking with or which judge was which.

It made him feel warm and fuzzy to just sit in bed and watch something mindless like that. To watch something mindless that Castiel liked. He felt a lot warmer when he realized Castiel had fallen asleep with his arm wrapped around Dean’s thigh, using him as a pillow. His back was starting to hurt from how he was sitting, but he stayed still and watched the cooking show as Castiel slept.

***

When Castiel woke up, Dean heated up the grits for him and sat with him at the kitchen table while he ate. His color was better and it made it easier for Dean to leave that evening. It was even easier since he got to put Castiel back into bed and give him soft kisses before leaving. He thought he probably could’ve asked Castiel to stay, but he didn’t want to push. He wanted to do his penance and walking out of Castiel’s door that night felt like a pretty good-sized sacrifice.

Before he left, Dean locked up the house, then he locked up the barn they had left open. He had left his phone in his car, because he knew exactly who was going to be calling him. He wasn’t surprised to see Lisa had called and texted multiple times.

It wasn’t late as he drove to Sam’s so he stopped at the gas station pizza joint combo and waited for a few fresh ones to bake. He got the veggie mix Sam liked on one and a meat lovers on the other. Then he got a case of beer and drove to Sam’s.

He and Sam ate and watched the football game that was on. It was either of their favorite teams, but it was something to do. They ended up just picking the one the other didn’t, so they could annoy each other with catcalls.

Lisa called again while the game was on, so when Sam went to the bathroom, Dean grew a pair and went out on the porch. He hit redial and paced while the phone rang and the wind blew the trees around the house in the dark.

When she answered he could hear she’d been crying and his stomach did a little flip.

“Hey,” Dean said.

“Dean, where are you?”

“At Sam’s.”

“When are you going to come home?”

Dean rolled his neck and inhaled. “I’m not coming home.”

“How long have you been seeing her?” Lisa asked.

“Can we talk about this tomorrow? I need to come get my stuff and I’d rather do this stuff in person.”

Lisa was quiet for a moment then he could almost see her nodding, tucking her hair back behind her ear like she always did when she was on the phone.

“Yeah. What time will you be here?”

“In the morning. Are you going to work?”

“No,” Lisa said.

“Okay, well I’ll see you then.”

“I love you,” she said.

Dean nodded then cleared his throat. “Yeah. Talk to you later.”

He hung up before she could say anything else and already felt the guilty churning his gut. He opened up a text message to Castiel and typed out a goodnight message, asking him to let Dean know how he felt in the morning. He felt better once he’d sent it and went back inside to watch the rest of the game with Sam.

***

The next day, Dean drove Sam’s weekend vehicle, their dad’s old GMC to Lisa’s. Sam was going to meet him there in about an hour to help him load stuff up, but he thought an hour alone with Lisa would probably be best to keep Sam from witnessing anything too incredibly uncomfortable.

When he pulled up, Lisa came out on the porch with a long sweater wrapped around herself. It was white and it made her look even paler with her dark hair messy around her shoulders. Even from far away, he could see her eyes were red and her face was splotched. His heart beat like it was bruised as he went up the steps and smiled small at her.

“Hey.”

“Dean,” she said, sniffing and pushing her hair behind her ear again. “Could we… do you have time to talk?”

“Yeah. Sammy’s going to be here in about an hour to help me load up,” he said.

Lisa nodded then went back to the front door. Dean followed her inside and he sat in his chair while she sat stiffly on the couch. The TV was off, but he wished it was on. It was so damn quiet with just the two of them and the one annoying ass bird outside that always went off like an alarm clock in the mornings.

“Noisy bastard,” Dean said.

Lisa laughed slightly and worried a Kleenex in her hands. Then she got quiet. “So, who is she?”

Dean leaned forward and rubbed the back of his neck. “He’s the new vet.”

Lisa looked up and he saw the surprise written all over her face. “You’re gay?”

Dean shrugged. “I don’t know that those rules apply. He’s an omega.”

“Dean,” Lisa said, rolling her eyes, like she always did when she didn’t believe him.

“What?”

“Nothing,” she said, wiping her nose. “Okay, well how long have you been seeing him?”

“I met him about two months ago.”

Lisa nodded, “So that’s why you’ve been such a dick.”

Dean leaned forward on his elbows as she wiped her red nose again and her eyes leaked. He had always hated to see her cry. He still hated it. It didn’t feel good, not at all, but now he realized just how little it compared to Castiel’s crying.

“I just wish you’d told me,” she said wetly.

“I know. I should’ve.”

“So that’s why you’re leaving? You’re really leaving me for someone?” she asked.

“I guess so. I didn’t plan this or anything. I swear.”

Lisa laughed slightly and big tears dripped from her lashes. “Does anyone plan on their marriage ending after five years?” Then she looked at Dean while her thin hands twisted the napkin. “Dean, it doesn’t have to go this way. We aren’t kids anymore. We can work through this.”

“He’s, uh,” Dean cleared his throat. Then he made himself look at her. “No. We’re, uh, we’re having a baby.”

He expected her to start screaming. They had known each other a long time and she was just as prone to tantrums as he was. It was one of the things they’d liked about each other in the beginning, the _passion_ , that his mom had called dysfunctional. But she didn’t, she just stared at him then her face crumbled.

“Are you shitting me, Dean?” she asked around a hard sob. “You knocked him up while we were married? How could you do that?”

“It’s not like we planned it,” he said, but he hated saying it like that.

He hated talking to her about anything to do with Castiel, which he knew was shitty. But everything came out like it was a defense, when he didn’t feel like he should have defend them, but then he did, because this was his wife. And he should feel bad. He did, he felt awful, but at the same time, he hated feeling like he was having to act like he regretted anything with Castiel.

“If you say _we_ one more time, I’m going to puke,” Lisa said.

Dean looked down at his hands between his knees. He could hear her crying, but he didn’t go over to comfort her. He just waited out the sobs, because he knew her enough to know she wasn’t finished.

“I can’t believe you did this,” Lisa said around jagged breaths.

“I know. I should’ve told you when I realized who he was, but I wanted to try and-. Shit I don’t know. I couldn’t just walk out on you and Ben.”

“Until you could, right? Until you got your bitch knocked up?”

Dean looked up and tightened his hand in his jeans. It wouldn’t do any good to get mad about it. She was trying to piss him off and on a logical level, he didn’t blame her. If the shoe was on the other foot, he’d be calling her guy a lot worse than a bitch, but he still fucking hated it.

“I’m going to go get my stuff around,” he said standing.

“We’re not done talking,” she said.

“If we keep talking it’s just going to end up fighting and I’m not looking to do that today,” Dean said, going to the kitchen and grabbing a few trash sacks before going up the stairs.

He shoved his clothes into the sacks as quickly as he could, then his boots, the few things of his dad’s he didn’t keep at his mom’s house. When he went downstairs, Lisa was in the kitchen, on the phone. Dean ignored her as he grabbed his gaming system from the TV and took everything out to the truck. He loaded the living room TV by himself then moved the TV from the den in there to replace it.

Lisa still hadn’t come out when Sam showed up to help Dean load his easy chair and his tool chest from the garage along with a few other things he was afraid to leave in case Lisa went into a fit and started selling his shit.

When Dean was closing up the tailgate, Lisa came from the house and down the steps toward him.

“Did you get everything?” she asked.

“Yeah. I think so. If you find anything else, just give me a call,” he said.

“Don’t expect any calls,” she said. Then she turned back toward the house. “And forget about seeing Ben. I don’t want you anywhere near him.”

“Lisa,” he said, going toward her. He caught her arm when she didn’t stop. “Don’t do that. I know you’re pissed off, but that’s going to hurt him just as much as it’ll hurt me.”

Lisa jerked her arm away. “You didn’t adopt him. Remember? He wasn’t good enough to be your son? But you can go fuck the first omega you find and get them pregnant. Not an example I want around my son, Dean.”

“Lisa,” Dean said again, between his teeth.

“You made your choice,” Lisa said as she went in the house.

She didn’t lock the door. She wouldn’t, because she wanted him to follow her inside. He knew better, but part of him wanted to. Part of him wanted to go in there and have a yelling match that would solve nothing, because she was throwing low blows and she knew it.

Instead, he made himself turn and get into the truck. He drove back to Sam, chewing the inside of his cheek raw the whole time.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OBGYN appointment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to update guys! This is a rough one (editing wise). If it's too bad, I'll edit again. :)

On Tuesday, Dean went to see Castiel again. He was going to on Monday, but between getting drained by Lisa, filing the divorce papers, and Castiel’s morning sickness, it didn’t work out. So on Tuesday, Dean went to his house. Castiel looked rough. He got nauseas at even the mention of food and hardly pecked Dean when he came in the house.

He didn’t even really seem to like to talk, so Dean let him lay his head in his lap again and rubbed his back on the living room couch. They watched Frasier, which he liked well enough and Castiel liked a lot. Even though he only laughed a few times.

“How did it go with Lisa yesterday?” Castiel asked tiredly.

“Well enough. I guess. I got my stuff before she had a yard sale or a bonfire, so that’s good.”

“Would she really have burned your stuff?”

“I got a guy pregnant. If I were her I would’ve.”

“I suppose,” Castiel said with a deep frown. “Were you able to see Ben?”

“He was at school.”

“Did she say when you could see him?” Castiel asked, as he rolled onto his back so he could look up at Dean.

Dean pushed some of Castiel’s hair back from his forehead then shrugged. “Right now she’s saying I can’t.”

Castiel frowned more deeply. “Why?”

“Because she’s pissed and she knows how to get at me.”

“That’s vindictive,” Castiel said, like he’d never heard of anyone doing anything like it in his whole life.

The amount of innocence was endearing, but then again most things about Castiel just made Dean love him more. He was willing to see that he was beyond ridiculous, but it didn’t help. That sweet Bambi look just made it seem like nothing was really that bad, not if Castiel would keep looking at him like that.

“I’m sure she’ll get over it. She’s a good mom. She’s just got to get over the shock,” Dean said.

“I’m sure,” Castiel said. Then he reached up and touched Dean’s cheek. Dean’s heart stuttered. It was so simple and he did it to Castiel all the time, but this was voluntary on Castiel’s part for the first time since he’d come back. “I’m sorry, I know how much you love Ben.”

“I’ll be alright,” Dean said, turning into Castiel’s hand to kissing his palm. “Why don’t I make you some soup?”

Castiel frowned, but nodded. Then he followed Dean into the kitchen like a prisoner walking to the chopping block.

***

On Wednesday, Dean walked into the OBGYN’s office with Castiel. He didn’t know what he was expecting, but he wasn’t expecting a doctor’s office to look so clean. The family practice he went to was all wood paneling and smelled like the ‘70s and Bengay. In this place, the walls were pale gray, the floor was darker and all the furniture was light with blue pillows.

Dean kept his hand on Castiel’s lower back as he walked to the receptionist desk where a few women sat. Dean heard one of the women talk kindly to Castiel and he looked around. There were a handful of people. Two women had babies and Dean couldn’t help smiling at them. A few others were still in various stages of blowing up. Some didn’t look pregnant and he figured maybe they weren’t.

Then he saw a small blonde male omega in a camo jacket. It was unzipped and his stomach was swollen, stretching the thin dark material of his red shirt. A tall dark haired guy with black-rimmed glasses sat beside him, talking against his ear and touching his belly. The omega looked upset and Dean frowned and felt a little knot in his chest. His partner grazed his cheek with his nose then kissed him. The way he looked at him, Dean knew they were mates. It was amp’ing off of them.

“Dean, don’t stare,” Castiel said quietly, taking Dean’s hand and pulling him toward chairs at the other side of the room.

Dean looked for a second longer and the alpha looked up. He looked hard at Dean for a few moments, then he saw his hand in Castiel’s and looked away, kissing his omega’s hair.

Dean sat down with Castiel with his view of the other couple blocked by a plant and low dividing wall.

“Do you know him?” Dean asked.

“Yes. He’s hand difficult pregnancies. Out of four this is the first he’s carried so long.”

“That’s so sad.

“It is. He’s young, but they want to be fathers so badly.”

“What’s wrong with him?”

Castiel glanced up from the magazine he had grabbed and leaned closer to Dean, until Dean could smell him. The tingliness of him. He inhaled deeper.

“They bonded when he was sixteen and he conceived on their first coupling. Our bodies mature slower than women. We aren’t ready to carry children until our mid-twenties, which is when the mating pull gets very strong. He miscarried and it injured his organs.”

“Poor guy.”

Castiel nodded. “It’s tragic.”

A few names were called while they sat and at one point, he watched the omega walk back with his alpha and the protective way the alpha oriented himself around him, like he was trying to keep him from everything. Dean’s heart ached with anxiety at the thought of Castiel going through the same.  He didn't know if he'd even be able to let him out of the hospital, constant observation, all the time. 

“Castiel?” a nurse called from an open door.

Castiel stood up and Dean looked up.

“Can I come with you?”

“Of course,” Castiel said.

Dean smiled and stood up and went with him. The nurse smiled at them as they passed. She weighed Castiel then took a small blood sample. Then she took them to a room with a big machine near the bed with a screen.

“Just hop up here and the doctor will be in soon,” the nurse said. “Go ahead and get changed.”

The nurse walked out and closed the door. Castiel picked up the gown, then glanced at Dean with a little bit of color crawling up his cheeks.

Dean laughed slightly. “What? Do you want me to close my eyes?”

“Yes, please.”

“Are you kidding?”

“No.”

Dean looked at him for a second before shaking his head and turning away. He heard the shifting of clothing. He could see him moving from the corner of his eye, more and more skin. Then pale blue.

“I’m decent,” Castiel said.

Dean turned back and saw him pulling the hospital gown closed in the front. His clothes were folded on the bed. Dean held out his hand for them and Castiel sat down with the paper crinkling. Even his white legs hanging off the edge looked sexy. He remembered what they felt like around his hips and had to push at the front of his jeans.

“Dean,” Castiel said.

Dean looked up from Castiel’s knees and saw him blushing.

“Can’t help it. You’re gorgeous, Cas.”

There was a knock and a woman came in in a white coat.

“Knock, knock. Everyone good?”

“Yes, Dr. Anders,” Castiel said.

She came in and let the door closed. “How are you doing today?”

“Well,” he said, then he gestured to Dean. “This is Dean. The father.”

“Well this baby is going to have no choice but to be a knock out,” Dr. Anders said, shaking Dean’s hand.

Dean laughed slightly, “Gonna be a stunner.”

Then she looked back to Castiel and smiled, “So are you ready for me to take a look?”

“Yes,” Castiel said.

“Okay, lay down for me,” she said.

Castiel laid down and the doctor came to the bedside. She pulled the dressing gown open on his chest. She pressed at his chest and Castiel closed his eyes with his lips turning down slightly.

“Is that tender?”

“Yes,” he said.

“Yeah, you’re hormones are going to start driving you crazy about now,” she said, pushing on his other side and watching him make the same face. Then she went down his stomach.

Dean thought about standing up, because he couldn’t see Castiel’s stomach, it was hidden by the ridges of the gown.

“Starting to get some swelling,” Dr. Anders said, smiling at Castiel.

“I’ve noticed,” Castiel said.

Then she sat down on a stool and she took started fiddling with the machine.

“Okay, I don’t know that we’ll see much, but we should get a heartbeat,” she said.

“Awesome,” Dean said, then he felt bad for talking, but Castiel smiled at him.

The doctor spread the gel on the wand looking thing, then on Castiel’s stomach. Castiel grunted at the cold and Dean wanted to snap at her and kind of laugh. It was funny, but he didn’t like seeing him cold.

“Let’s see here,” the doctor said, moving it over Castiel’s torso. Then she smiled, looking at the screen that looked like static. “There we go.”

Dean squinted at the screen then he heard Castiel’s inhale then his hand was taken hard. All the static was broken up by a small little pulsing. Dean felt the quick rush to his eyes and glanced at Castiel to see his eyes were wet in the monitor light. Dean kissed his hand.

“You’ve got a little heart beat,” the doctor said, smiling. “How do you feel?”

“It’s amazing,” Castiel said.

Dean stood up and kissed Castiel’s forehead. Castiel touched the back of his neck without looking away from the screen.

“That’s our little turd that keeps making you puke,” Dean said.

Castiel laughed and looked up at him. “He can make me sick every day.”

“You’re so sure it’s a boy, huh?” Dean asked.

“It’s what I see.”

“So we’re hoping for a little boy?” the doctor asked, still moving the wand over Castiel’s stomach.

“Yes,” Castiel said.

“Dean, do you have a preference?”

“Nope.”

“Well I’ll be able to tell you in a few months,” she said, “okay, Castiel, we’re all done.” She began wiping down his stomach. “I will you in a few weeks. In the front they’ll have a picture for you.”

“Thank you,” Castiel said.

It was dim in the room, as the doctor left. Dean took Castiel’s hand and helped pull him upright. Castiel leaned up and kissed him. It was sweet, but it was intense. Not really sexual, just intense. He couldn’t ever remember kissing Lisa that way, feeling like a ton of emotion was clawing just beneath the surface.

“He’s going to be so beautiful,” Dean said against Castiel’s cheek. “You’re doing so good.”

Castiel kissed him again, putting his fingers into Dean’s hair. Then he pulled away. “I need to dress.”

“Sure,” Dean said, handing Castiel his clothes.

Castiel held his clothes to his chest and looked at Dean. Dean laughed again, but his time his feelings were a little hurt.

“Still have to look away?”

“Please,” Castiel said.

Dean looked away and he listened to Castiel pulling his clothes on. His heart ached deep. He wasn’t close to tears, he didn’t think, but it was a hard helplessness. He’d just seen the heartbeat of their baby in Castiel and it hurt like hell to have Castiel be pushing him away. For a second there, he felt like a dad, like they were doing better, like they could pretend they were a normal couple having a baby, but nope. He’d fucked up and that fracture ran deep.

“Dean?” Castiel asked.

Dean turned back and made himself smile. “Yeah, why don’t we go get something to eat? I’m starving.”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m great,” Dean said, keeping his hand on Castiel’s shoulders as they walked out of the room.

***

When they walked into Castiel’s house, it was getting dark. Castiel closed the door behind them. Dean looked around, at the dim room, sunset coming in through the open blinds on the furniture and the dark TV screen. He put his hand in his pocket and cleared his throat before turning back around.

“I think I’m going to call it a night,” Dean said.

Castiel was behind him, close enough to see his eyes clearly. “Dean.”

Dean looked down and squeezed his hand in his pocket.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, Cas.”

Castiel angled his face so he could see him and Dean felt his thumb rasping over his stubble. He expected him to say something, but Castiel just stared with his mouth turned down.

“I’m just really sorry,” Dean said with Castiel burring again. “It’s killing me that you don’t want me to see your body and that I can’t hold you, but I get it. Don’t think I don’t get it, and don’t think that I don’t know I deserve it. I do. I don’t deserve for you to ever talk to me again, but it kills me.”

“I’m not trying to punish you,” Castiel said with his eyes softening.

“I know, you’re just trying to protect yourself. I get it,” Dean said, feeling the first tears fall. “I just wish you didn’t think you had to protect yourself from me.”

“It isn’t-,” Castiel began then he shook his head. “It isn’t only that.”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to explain,” Dean said, making himself laugh. “I deserve it.”

“Stop,” Castiel said, shaking his head and taking Dean’s hand. “You made a mistake. The decision you made for me, I’m not mad, Dean. I’m afraid, but I’m not mad.”

“Jesus, don’t be scared, Cas,” Dean said. “Please. I’m not going anywhere.”

Castiel leaned up and kissed Dean. Dean kissed him softly, but Castiel opened his mouth and pulled him closer by his hair. Dean kissed him deeper and wrapped his arms around him, holding him as close as he could.

When Castiel started to pull away, Dean felt his chest tightening again. This was going to kill him. He didn’t even need sex if Castiel didn’t want to go that far, but he needed to hold him. He needed to be all skin to skin. Before he could say anything, Castiel took his hand and pulled him toward the stairs.

Dean swallowed down everything that felt like it was bouncing inside of him. It was too much, it was like he was a pot bubbling over. He wanted to feel relief, but it felt like the runner was going to be yanked out from under him at any second and he’d be out in the cold, driving back to Sam’s and having to accept that he’d done it to himself.

Then they were in Castiel’s bedroom and they were kissing again. Castiel pushed off his flannel, then pulled at his shirt. Dean pulled it over his head. He started to unbutton Castiel’s shirt, slipping the button’s near his throat with his face near Castiel’s, breathing in the same space.

Then Castiel gently pushed him away.

“Sit down,” Castiel said.

“I want to undress you.”

“Sit down.”

Dean sat on the edge of the bed and watched as Castiel stared out of the window while he unbuttoned his shirt. There wasn’t enough light in the sky to be colorful, it was a hazy gray on Castiel’s pale face. He looked so uncomfortable and a blush crawled up his neck and cheeks.

“My body’s started to change,” Castiel said without looking at him.

“You’re fucking beautiful any way, Cas,” Dean said, watching each button that Castiel undid.

Castiel didn’t look at him as he took off his overshirt then pulled off the undershirt beneath. The body was covered in shadows. They highlighted the very small swell of his stomach like a beacon. It almost just looked like he’d eaten too much, but knew he’d hardly eaten anything. His hips were widening and his chest just had only a little bit of puffiness, like pecks, but nothing like boobs.

Dean stood up and pulled Castiel too him by his pants. He was crying again and he felt like a bitch. Watching this happen to Castiel, the very beginning parts, he hadn’t gotten to. He hadn’t been able to watch him freak out about first getting a belly. He hadn’t been able to see him come out of the bathroom, pale and excited because the test came out positive.

“You’re fucking perfect,” Dean said, kissing his mouth, then down his neck with open wet kisses. “All of you, every part, especially all this,” he said, rubbing his hand down Castiel’s torso from his tender chest down to his belt line.

Castiel exhaled and Dean felt him relax against him. “I was afraid it would unsettle you.”

Dean laughed, “Yeah that’s not possible.”

They began to kiss again and they lost the rest of their clothes to each other’s hands. Dean wanted Castiel to be on top of him, where he could see him move, but he didn’t ask. Castiel’s cheeks flamed every time Dean kissed his stomach or touched his chest. Instead, he was on top, like the first time, and wrapped Castiel up as tightly as he could. When he pushed into his opening, they both made a gut deep noise and Castiel’s fingers dug into his shoulders.

“I love you so much, Cas,” Dean said.

“I love you too,” Castiel said angling his body up, “Now move. Please, now.”

It didn’t last as long as Dean wished it would. In his mind, he could’ve gone all night. His dick couldn’t. Castiel felt so good, too perfect and warm. He smelled too good and he made the sweetest noises. He lasted long enough to bring Castiel off, then he came with his face tucked against Castiel’s neck, biting to keep from making a squeak or something else embarrassing from the intensity.

After Dean still had a little bit of Castiel’s cum drying on his stomach. They’d cleaned up with a sock with neither of them really wanting to go to the bathroom. Dean faced Castiel with Castiel’s head on his arm, his face nearly touching his chest.

“What do you think of Elliot?” Castiel asked.

Dean smiled against Castiel’s hair and closed his eyes. “I love it.”

“You don’t have to appease me. Do you honestly like it?”

“Really. I do.”

Castiel nodded against him. “I do too.”

Dean kissed his temple and soon he heard Castiel beginning to snore. He thought of texting Sam to let him know where he was, but it was all too perfect and he honestly wouldn’t have moved Castiel for anything in the world right then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think. I know it's petty, but it keeps up the motivation to get these next two chapters out. You guys are the best. :) <3


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end is getting close! 
> 
> I'm working on the last chapter. Hopefully I'll have it up by this evening. Thanks so much for reading so far, guys.
> 
> *I mean to add this when you I first posted this chapter, but if any of you like to listen to music to go with the stories. "Peace" by O.A.R. is what gets me for this story, especially this chapter.

When Dean woke up, it was morning, like sun on the walls morning. He jolted, rolling toward the bedside table and saw the alarm clock on the bedside table. It was just after eight. He was supposed to have been at the shop ten minutes ago.

“Shit,” he said quietly, but laid back and rubbed his fingers into his eyes.

He looked over at Castiel. He was asleep on his stomach. The blankets were down around his back, so Dean pulled them up around his shoulders. Then he touched his hair.

“Cas,” he said quietly. “Cas, I think you might be late.”

Castiel’s eyes came open and he frowned over Dean’s shoulder at the window, even though a thick curtain was over it keeping out the majority of the daylight. Then he propped up on his elbows to look at the clock and flopped back down.

“It’s only eight, Dean,” he said, closing his eyes and frowning.

“Yeah, on a Thursday. When do you have to be at work?”

“I haven’t been going in until after lunch, because of my stomach.”

Dean laughed quietly. “You’re pissy in the mornings.”

Castiel frowned then rolled onto his side, away from Dean. Dean laughed quietly then Castiel moved back toward him.

“Spoon me.”

Dean did, cuddling up tight to Castiel, snugging him back toward his chest. “I have to go to work.”

He could feel Castiel’s frown.

“Could you call in?”

Dean laughed. “You’re a little diva.”

Castiel exhaled enough to make him sag. Then he looked back at Dean. He looked slightly more awake and a little more like he did most of the time.

“I understand if you need to go. I’ve just missed you.”

Dean kissed him and felt his heart beating happy and sad at the same time. “Do you have your phone?”

Castiel leaned away enough to take his phone from the bedside table and handed it back. Dean keyed in the shop’s number and listened to it ring before Bobby answered.

“Hey, I’m not going to be in,” Dean said.

Bobby didn’t really sound like he cared. He didn’t even really sound like he was awake. When he pulled the phone away, he sent a text to Sam, letting him know where he was. Castiel smiled at him when Dean handed the phone back.

“You didn’t have to.”

“Yeah, like I was going to give up having you all cuddled against me,” he said, pushing his hips into Castiel’s warm ass.

He expected Castiel to react, probably brushing him off, what he didn’t expect was Castiel to arch back into him like a fucking cat. Dean squeezed his hip and rolled against him again.

“Thought it was too early for you,” Dean said.

Castiel reached back and slid his hand into the back of Dean’s hair, pulling. That was all Dean needed. He pulled Castiel onto his back and laid between his legs. Castiel still looked sleepy, but there was that dark undercurrent. It shouldn’t feel so perfect, easy, to push into him and it was setting him on fire at the same time.

Castiel made a gut deep noise and squeezed his eyes shut. His hair was always messy, like he’d slept on it, but now he actually had and it was messed up from his own fingers last night. Dean pushed his fingers into it again. He was just trying to touch Castiel. But Castiel pushed up against him.

“Fuck me.”

Castiel’s voice was like gravel. It was always rough, but this was worse, better. It made his spine tingle. He was all for the soft and sweet like they’d done last night, but pulling up Castiel’s legs and fucking him hard enough to make him moan on the edge of a scream was a vicious high.

After, Dean laid beside Castiel with both of them on their backs. He laughed quietly with his eyes closed and ran his hand down Castiel’s thigh, feeling it shaking.

“Sleep?”

“Yes,” Castiel said, his voice still blissed out.

Dean leaned over and kissed him again then pushed his shoulder. “Roll over.”

Castiel did with a little irritated noise, but he wiggled back against Dean when Dean tucked him close.

***

That night, they sat in Castiel’s car by the curb in front of Mary’s house. Castiel was pulling at his tie then straightening it again before wiping his hands on his pants.

“Are you certain this is okay?” he asked for the twentieth time. “I should wait until your divorce is final.”

“Sorry, baby, I think that gun’s been jumped,” Dean said, patting Castiel’s stomach.

Castiel grunted, pulling at his tie again. Dean pushed his hand away then loosened the tie and took it off.

“Dean,” Castiel said.

“Shh,” Dean said, tossing the tie in the back then unbuttoning the top few of Castiel’s shirt. “It’s my mom and Sam, not a job interview.”

“I’m very nervous.”

“I know.” Dean leaned across the console and kissed Castiel. He pulled away and held his face close. “They’re going to love you.”

“You can’t know that,” Castiel said, looking down. “I make terrible first impressions. People think I’m strange.”

“Then they’re fucking stupid,” Dean said, kissing his cheek. “You’re not strange. You’re weird, my kind of weird.”

Castiel laughed slightly then looked up. It was dark, but they were so close that Dean could still see the pattern of blue in his eyes. If those didn’t melt his mom, he didn’t know what to say.

“Thank you.”

“Love you, Cas. They’re going to love you, but even if they didn’t, which they will, I won’t give a flying fuck.”

“I love you too.”

Dean kissed Castiel again then opened his door and got out, because he could feel that Castiel would just start living in the car if he’d let him.

“Come on. Now or never.”

Castiel out of the driver side and walked around to the sidewalk. The street lamps washed out Castiel’s face in orange, making his nerves look even worse. Dean took his hand and pulled him up the front walk. Dean knocked then walked in as Tank started to bark.

“Hello?” he called.

The front door opened right onto the living room. It had white carpet and floral couches in front of a fireplace with gold plating on the screen. Him mom came from the kitchen and smiled as she came toward them.

“Hey, baby,” she said, hugging Dean. Then looking at Castiel. “And you must be Castiel. It’s so good to meet you. I’m Mary.”

“Thank you.”

Tank had come in with Mary and now he sniffed around Castiel’s shoes. Castiel looked down and Dean watched him smile then crouch down.

“And what is your name?” he asked, like the dog might actually answer.

“Tank,” Dean said.

“Aren’t you so handsome?” Castiel asked.

Mary laughed, “He’s seen better days. Sam and Dean were hard on him.”

“How old is he?” Castiel asked.

“14,” Mary said. “We got him for Dean’s 13th birthday.”

“And then he pissed on my bed. Happy birthday to me,” Dean said.

“He was a puppy, Dean,” Mary said. “Castiel, would you like something to drink? Dinner is almost ready.”

“Yes, please,” Castiel said.

“Come into the kitchen,” Mary said.

Dean followed behind his mom and Castiel took his hand again. He looked back and smiled at Castiel, who looked a little less sick as they walked into the kitchen.

“Smells good, Mom,” Dean said.

“Thank you. Castiel, do you like chicken and dumplings?”

“I’ve never had it.”

Dean and Mary both stopped and looked at him.

“You what?” Dean asked.

Castiel shifted and looked down. His eyes defaulting to the dog, who hadn’t left his side. Tank wagged his stubbed tail, looking up at Castiel with his one eye.

“I wasn’t raised in the South,” Castiel said.

“This isn’t the South,” Dean said, leading Castiel to the stools lining the bar where they could sit with Mary while she cooked. “And we’re going to fix this shit. I’m going to get you fat on good country food.”

“You cook?” Castiel asked.

“Oh Lord,” Mary said. “You get him pregnant with my grandbaby and didn’t even show him you can cook.”

“Couldn’t help it, look how pretty he is,” Dean said, wrapping his arms around Castiel’s shoulders from behind while Castiel sat.

Then he laughed and nuzzled into his neck, because Castiel was turning so red he looked like he was going to pass out. Maybe he shouldn’t be being this lovey. He thought about it for a second. He was still married. He had only left Lisa a few days ago, but he couldn’t help it. .

“I did raise my boys to have good taste,” Mary said, smiling like she never had at Lisa while she stirred a huge pot of broth. “Dean, get him something to drink. Where are your manners?”

Dean rolled his eyes, “Yes, Mom. Cas, what do you want to drink? Tea, pop, water?”

“Is it sweet?”

“That’s the only kind in this house,” Dean said.

“I will take a glass, please,” Castiel said.

“Dean said you had a doctor’s appointment yesterday?” Mary asked Castiel.

“Yes. Would you like to see a picture?”

“Yes,” Mary said and Dean smiled, he could hear how excited she was in her voice.

He poured two glasses of tea and went back to the bar as Castiel pulled the ultrasound picture from his wallet. The picture wasn’t a lot. It was just a little spot, but it was their little spot and every time Castiel pulled it out his face lit up.

Mary took the picture across the bar and looked at it. Dean watched her smile and her eyes get wet. Then she came around the bar and went straight to Castiel. She hugged him and Castiel stood up. He looked at Dean over Mary’s shoulder and he looked shocked as he hugged Mary back awkwardly.

Then Mary pulled back and looked up at Castiel.

“I’m so happy for you,” she said.

Castiel smiled slightly. It was a mix of uncomfortable, but honest happiness, even if he looked hesitant.

“Thank you. That means so much,” he said.

Someone knocked on the front door and Dean looked over his shoulder, clearing his throat.

“Hello?” Sam called from the living room. Then he walked into the kitchen. “Hey guys.”

“What’s up, bitch?” Dean asked, hugging him.

“Not a lot, jerk,” Sam said, then he smiled at Castiel. “You’re Cas?”

“Yes,” Castiel said, holding out his hand. “And you’re Sammy.”

Sam laughed and shook his hand. “Dean and his nicknames.”

Castiel frowned. “Do you prefer to go by something else?”

“Family can call me whatever,” Sam smiled.

Castiel smiled, but turned a little bit red. Dean pushed Sam.

“You’re embarrassing my baby daddy, Whatever.”

“Suck it,” Sam said.

“Screw you.”

“Boys,” Mary cut in. “Sam, get down bowls. Dean, set the table.”

They sat down to dinner around the table Dean had grown up around. His mom and Sam made it easy. Castiel was a little awkward, but most of that just seemed to be him, and by his second helping of dumplings, he was smiling in a way that made Dean’s stomach flutter. He held his hand beneath the table and Castiel squeezed it.

When they had finished dinner and were sitting around talking, there was a lull and Sam flicked the tabletop.

“Dean, my car’s making a weird noise. Can you come look at it?”

“Sure,” Dean said, standing up and pulling on his coat. Then he leaned down and kissed Castiel from behind. “Be right back.”

“There’s no hurry,” Castiel said.

Dean left the room with Sam and Castiel ate another dumpling.

“Did you want some more?” Mary asked.

“Oh no, I shouldn’t have eaten as much as I did,” Castiel said.

“You need it. Dean said you haven’t been able to eat,” Mary said.

“Not much, but I’ve felt good today.”

“Good,” Mary said. “I’m so glad you came this evening.”

“Thank you for having me. You and Sam have been very welcoming.”

“I’m glad,” she said. Then she looked down at her hands. The smile that had been on her attractive face faltered and Castiel felt himself tense slightly. “He isn’t perfect, God knows I know that, but he does so much for other people. He’s done so much for this family. Then for Lisa and Ben. I’m so relieved that he was a little bit selfish and choose you. I’ve never seen him look so happy.” 

“He makes me very happy as well,” Castiel said.

Mary took his hand and squeezed. Then she took his glass and her own and went to refill them.

“Do you want tea again?”

“Yes, please,” he said.

When Dean came back in, Castiel was laughing at a story of Dean, Sam, their father, and a worm.

“I never pictured you being squeamish,” Castiel said.

Dean frowned, “Thanks, Mom.”

“Aw, you were little,” Mary said.

“He was twelve,” Sam said.

“Worms are still fucking gross,” Dean said.

“Language,” Mary said.

By the time they left, Castiel was beginning to yawn. Mary hugged them at the door. She invited Castiel to dinner the next week and he promised he would come. Then they walked out with Sam and hugged him at his car. Castiel felt dwarfed by him, but he inhaled the smell of another omega that he had not had in a very long time, companionable, warmth, family.

“It was really good to meet you,” Sam said.

“You as well.”

“Happy for you guys,” Sam said, hugging Dean.

“Thanks, Sammy.”

Then he clapped Sam on his shoulder and they went their separate ways. Dean looked over at Castiel in the driver seat as they drove out of town.

“See? Not the fire breathing family.”

“No. They’re wonderful,” he said.

“They’re a pain in the ass, but I love them and they loved you.”

Castiel smiled. “They’re very warm people.”

“So when do I get to meet your family?”

Castiel shook his head. “My mother and father are deceased. I have brothers and sisters, but none I’m close enough to want you to meet them.”

“Sorry, Cas. I didn’t mean to bring you down.”

“You didn’t. There are a few people from the omega organization that I consider close enough to be family. I’m sure they’ll come closer to my due date.”

“Yeah? All omegas?”

“One, Gabriel. The other is an alpha, Luke.”

“Lucas?”

“Lucifer.”

“Oh,” Dean said, looking at Castiel to see if he was joking, but his face was completely straight as he looked through the windshield. “Weird name.”

“Yes, he’s the founder, Michael’s brother. Their parents were odd people,” Castiel said.

“Apparently. So are Gabriel and Luke together?”

Castiel laughed. “Oh God no. They would kill each other.”

“Ah,” Dean said, but he felt the strings of jealously clutching at his stomach. When Luke showed up, he was hoping his face looked like it’d been beaten by a shovel, and that he was old, and his breath stunk.

***

That night, Dean fell asleep behind Castiel. He listened to the heater kicking on in the old house, the air coming up through the vents in the floor, the wind blowing outside, whistling around the eaves. Castiel's legs twitched in his sleep and a few times he kicked Dean, until Dean trapped his leg beneath his own. He listened to Castiel breathing and laid his hand over his chest, feeling his pulse. 

 

He didn't want to sleep. He wanted to lay awake and savor it, like it was something he was going to snap out of. The last thing he remembered was pressing his face into the curve of Castiel's neck from behind and breathing the faint warmth of his skin and feeling his own heart pattering so hard it was almost painful. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys have any huge questions that you're worried about being addressed, if you would leave a comment, I can be sure to wrap it up in this last chapter. :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alrighty. This was a long time coming, but finally, the last chapter. 
> 
> My first fic Beta'd by the amazing 'talkcoffeetome'. She has just posted her first Destiel Fic (Beta'd by me), so if you're looking for something else to read, please go give her some love. I'll link it in the end notes. 
> 
> Thank you guys so much for reading this.

The next morning, Dean walked into the shop and started a pot of coffee. After he drank his own, he took another out to the garage and set it on the toolbox beside Bobby, who was working on the engine bay of a Civic that looked older than Dean.

“Where were you yesterday?” Bobby asked.

Dean took a drink of his second cup. He hadn’t told Bobby about Castiel. With all the shit going on with Lisa and then Castiel not feeling good, and all his other excuses he could come up with, he hadn’t wanted to add anymore tension. But if he didn’t spill now then it would be precariously close to lying instead of just withholding.

“I left Lisa Monday. We’re getting divorced. Cas is having my baby.”

Bobby hit his head on the underside of the hood. “Son of a whore!” He rubbed the back of his head through his cap as he straightened and looked at Dean. “Are you fuckin’ kidding me, Dean?”

Dean shrugged. “It is what it is. I love ya, Bobby, but if you’re going to make a big deal about this I can get another job.”

Bobby went to say something, closed his mouth, then opened it again. The scowl never left his face. “Fine, idgit.”

They worked in silence until the Honda was done, then Dean cleaned his hands.

“Can I take the truck and trailer for a few hours?”

“Why?” Bobby asked.

“I’m going to bring Cas’s Mustang over here and get it on the lift.”

Bobby took the rag from Dean when he finished with it and wiped the oil from his hands. Then he went to the keys on the peg near the wall of the office. He walked outside and Dean watched after him.

“Are you coming?” Bobby asked.

Dean jogged out of the shop toward the truck and trailer they kept to pick up the cars people couldn’t get to the shop.

“You don’t have to come with me,” Dean said.

“Yeah and are you going to have your knocked up guy come help you load up a car?” Bobby asked.

“Good point,” Dean said, then he took the keys from Bobby and went to the driver side.

They drove down the back roads to avoid town with the taillights gone out on the trailer. Dean kept the radio turned up enough so it didn’t feel that awkward. It wasn’t just Bobby being pissed at him. He loved him, but Bobby always smelled like hard liquor, just a little. But he was used to. Castiel wouldn’t be. At least he wasn’t drunk, not yet.

“Nice house,” Bobby said, when they pulled into the driveway.

Dean nodded and backed the trailer up to the shop with Bobby directing him. When he looked through the windshield, Castiel was coming out of the front door. He was still bare foot and was wearing a white t-shirt, and loose faded jeans.

Dean got out and smiled, “Hey, baby.”

Castiel smiled faintly, coming down the steps. “Hello, Dean. I didn’t know who was in my driveway.”

“So you came out bare foot?” Dean asked. He laughed slightly, but it irritated him. What if he was just some random guy pulling into the driveway, with a trailer, backing up to the barn? It already stressed him just thinking about it.

“They could’ve been lost.”

Dean shook his head and hugged Castiel. He just meant to hug him, quick and sweet, but it was still so new. He still felt so good against him, so perfect. He pressed his nose into Castiel’s hair and groaned in the back of his throat. He hadn’t taken a shower yet. He still smelled like bed and warmth. He almost purred when Castiel rubbed his hands over his shoulders and pushed closer to him, pushing the weight of his face into his shoulder.

“How are you feeling?” Dean asked against his hair.

“Much better than I have been.”

“Good,” Dean said and kissed his temple before kissing his lips. Then he heard Bobby’s rough throat noise. He pulled away and put his hand between Castiel’s shoulders.

“Hello, Bobby,” Castiel said, holding out his hand.

“How’re you doing?” Bobby asked, rushing it out so it was almost one word.

“Fine, and you?”

“Mhm,” Bobby said, “Dean, you going to come help me load up this car?”

“Yeah,” then he kissed Castiel again. “We’ll only be a few minutes. I’ll come tell you bye before we leave.”

“You don’t have to do this,” Castiel said.

“Yeah, but I want to,” Dean said.

Castiel shook his head, but he had a little smile as he went back up the stairs. “I’m going to go get dressed for work.”

“Need some help?”

“I don’t think Bobby would appreciate that,” Castiel said, as he turned back around and went inside with a small laugh.

Dean almost didn’t give a shit what Bobby would appreciate. His brain short-circuited a little bit and all he could think about is that he would love to go upstairs and get in the shower with Castiel. Put his hands all over him, listen to him-.

“Dean, give me hand,” Bobby yelled.

Dean frowned and went back to the barn, helping get the Mustang loaded, then tied down. In the sunlight it looked worse. The sun brought out the dullness of the clear coat and the patches of rust around the fender wells. It still wasn’t bad, but it needed some love.

“Stunning car,” Bobby said.

“It’s good-looking,” Dean said, wiping sweat from his face and wincing at the dirt in his eyes.

“He seems like a good guy,” Bobby said, focusing entirely on a strap that was already fastened.

“You hardly talked to him,” Dean said.

Bobby shrugged. “He’s ate up with you.”

“Hope so.”

They checked over the trailer in silence, but Dean smiled a little bit. Bobby was a fucking push over, he always had been. It might be a little while before he ever said anything else about Castiel, but that was enough, his version of apology and approval, for no other reason than because he loved Dean and wanted him happy.

***

“Dean?”

Dean looked up from his phone at Castiel coming into the living room from the kitchen. “What’s up?”

“Are you okay?” Castiel asked, putting a glass of water in Dean’s cup holder before sitting on the cushion beside him with his own.

Dean shrugged. “Just Lisa still.”

“You tried to call Ben again?”

“Yeah. She took away his phone.”

Castiel rubbed over his shoulders. “I’m sorry.”

“She’ll come around it’s just,” Dean dropped his face in his hands and rubbed. “I just know Ben’s feelings are getting hurt.”

“If you went over there-.”

“No way. She’d flip. I don’t want to do that in front of him. It’s already bad enough.”

“Is it you being here so often?”

“What do you mean?”

“Is it you being here so often that’s causing her to hesitate?” Castiel asked.

Dean shook his head. “Even if it is, she has to get over it. I’m not going to stop staying over here just to make her happy.”

Castiel kissed Dean’s cheek, just in front of his ear. He brushed his nose over the slightly freckled skin and Dean tilted his head against him. His phone vibrated again, his heart leapt, but it was only Sam asking if he was coming back to his house.

“Sam?” Castiel asked.

“Yeah, asking if I’m staying over there.”

“I’ve meant to talk to you about that,” Castiel said.

Dean looked at Castiel. “What about?”

“I’d like for you to move in with me. You’ve been staying here almost every night the past few weeks and,” Castiel kissed his cheek again. “I miss you on the nights that you’re gone. It would keep Sam from having to worry-.”

Dean cut him off with a hard kiss, lacing his fingers into Castiel’s hair. When the kiss got rougher and he laid on top of Castiel, he could feel the slightly growing swell of his stomach beneath him and worrying about Ben, as shitty as it would make him feel later, was the last thing on his mind.

***

Three weeks later, Dean laid in his and Castiel’s bed flipping through _Salem’s Lot_ while Castiel laughed with someone on the phone in the bathroom. Earlier they’d gone to his mom’s, like they’d been doing every week, and ate with her and Sam. Sam and Mary loved him so much, Dean was half convinced that if by some horrific freak occurrence it didn’t work out between he and Cas, they’d trade Dean in for him. Not that he would really blame him, Castiel was amazing.

All those warm fuzzies from having Castiel around a family that loved him, were dying though, listening to Castiel laugh on the phone. He’d been laughing and talking in his graveled voice for over an hour. Dean didn’t realize how hard he was gripping the book until the pads of his fingers started to throb.

Then Castiel came back into the bedroom in only his boxers, showing off his swollen belly. If Dean wasn’t so beyond it, he might be ashamed of how much that sight diffused all his irritation, his totally irrational irritation. A strong voice just wanted him to pull Castiel to the edge of the bed and love on him, take care of him-.

“Who was that?” he asked, cutting off his own inner show that was turning to porn.

“Lucifer,” Castiel said.

And the irritation spiked again.

“Yeah?”

Castiel laughed and came closer, grazing Dean’s cheek with his fingers. “How cute is your jealousy?”

“I’m not jealous.”

“Hmm,” Castiel said, taking a drink of water before crawling over Dean and laying down on the other side of the bed. “Anyway, he is planning on coming to visit for the shower.”

“Cool,” Dean lied.

“I think you’ll enjoy him. He’s brash too.”

“You mean loud and annoying?”

“I didn’t say that,” Castiel said, putting his cheek on Dean’s chest.

Dean put his arms around him without thinking about him, his book sliding off his stomach then hitting the floor with a thud.

“Did you and him ever?”

“Dean,” Castiel said.

Dean’s stomach dropped. That was all the answer he needed. He could hear it in Castiel’s voice and it made half his blood boil while his skin that was touching Castiel was cool and calm. It made him feel crazy. He tightened his arms around Castiel.

“Did you love each other?”

“Of course not,” Castiel said. “It would’ve been convenient if we were mates, but we weren’t.”

“But you wanted to be.”

“He was the first alpha I was around that understood, being Michael’s brother he was so attentive to the omegas that came for answers. But no, I didn’t want him to be my mate, maybe in the beginning, but not in the end. We are far better friends.”

Castiel was so calm when he was saying it in his deep rough voice, but it felt like Dean’s heart was being clenched on every pulse. He looked down at his own arm with his eyes zoning out. He had Castiel, but it was just because of this biological thing. Otherwise, he’d probably be with the Lucifer guy, knocked up with his kid, loving on him.

“Dean,” Castiel said softly.

Dean looked at him and Castiel kissed him.

“I’m so blessed that it was you,” Castiel said quietly. “I have never been this happy.”

Then he took Dean’s hand and put it on his stomach. Dean’s shoulders fell and every doubt in his mind went away as the sharp consuming rush of contentment filled him. He was still jealous. He was a little bit unsure, somewhere, deep in his mind. But he’d felt that way in every relationship he’d ever been in. Even with his mom that could use a better son, two smart ones like Sammy. Sam, and how much better off he’d be with a brother that was actually a good example growing up, instead of chasing every pretty girl he saw and only scraping through high school to get a job at a broken garage. Right then, looking at Castiel and feeling his warm stretched skin beneath his palm was the first time he’d felt like someone else wouldn’t be able to do a better job, not with the amount of love pumping out of his heart. Not when he would give anything in the world to make Castiel happy, to take care of the life in his body. He didn’t even care that it was the chemicals, the biology, that did it. He was so grateful, that if he was any less repressed, he might’ve cried like a bitch.

***

A month and a half later, Dean walked down the aisles of the grocery store with the list Castiel left for him that morning on the counter. His writing was so small, he had to squint to read it as he walked down the chip aisle. When he realized what the word was he rolled his eyes, it was the chips Castiel ate constantly, like he would’ve gone home without them anyway.

“Dean!”

It was kind of a hiss yell and when he looked up, he was already smiling. Ben was jogging down the aisle then he slammed into Dean, hugging him around the middle.

“Hey, buddy,” Dean said, squeezing him hard. He could smell that signature smell of him, sweat, and sun, and a little bit sour. He hadn’t realized how much he knew that smell until he got it again. “How’s it going?”

“Alright,” Ben said, pulling back. “I’m trying out for the baseball team next week.”

“Yeah? How is it looking?”

“Good-.”

“Ben?”

Dean felt his stomach drop at Lisa’s mom’s voice. She was coming toward them from the end of the aisle. She was frowning so hard at Dean it looked like her old wrinkly paper face was going to shatter.

“Come on, we need to get home,” Linda said.

“Can I just-,” Ben started.

“I don’t think so,” Linda said.

Dean kneeled down and hugged Ben, squeezing his small body hard. He felt bigger now. He felt taller. It broke his heart how hard Ben hugged him back.

“You be good. I’ll see you soon,” Dean said.

“Promise?”

“Yeah, buddy,” Dean said. “Now go on before your grandma has a coronary.”

Ben laughed quietly and pulled away. Dean didn’t miss that his eyes were a little bit red or the tingling in his own eyes. Ben waved partially before following Linda toward the front of the store. Dean stayed in the chip aisle long after he’d gotten everything he needed.

***

That night, Dean sat on the floor of the nursery with Sam, the crib laid out in pieces around them. The instructions were between them and Sam kept pulling them toward him to squint down at them, pushing his hair out of his face. Occasionally, downstairs he could hear Castiel helping Mary make dinner. She’d volunteered since they were putting together all the furniture for the nursery tonight and because Castiel wanted to bounce ideas off of her for the baby shower, because he was about as good with it all as Dean.

“This shouldn’t be nearly this hard,” Sam said.

“Quit bitching,” Dean said, then almost threw his Allan wrench as it slipped from a screw for the third time.

By the time it was all set up, they were both pretty pissed, but Sam clapped Dean on the shoulder and squeezed.

“It looks really good.”

“Thanks, Sammy. And thanks for the help.”

“Yeah, just return the favor,” Sam said.

“You know it.”

But it kicked him in the chest when he saw the far off sad little look in Sam’s eyes, looking at the crib. He patted his back and pushed him toward the door. When he felt his phone vibrate as they walked down the upper hall, he stopped. It was a text from Lisa.

Lisa: _u can come get Ben for the weekend tomorrow if u want_

_Yeah. Yes. I’ll get him from school. Thank you so much._

“You okay, Dean?” Sam asked, stopping at the top of the stairs and looking back at him.

Dean looked up feeling a ridiculous smile. “Lisa’s letting me get Ben for the weekend.”

Sam laughed, his loud single laugh, “That’s great.”

Dean’s phone vibrated again.

Lisa: _I shouldn’t have stopped u from seeing him anyway. It’s just upset him. Have him back Sunday evening._

He wrote her back, but she didn’t reply. He didn’t really care. He was on cloud nine as he went down the stairs and hugged Castiel tight for something to do with all his built up relief and happiness. 

***

Dean sat on the bleachers. The cold of the metal leaching up into his ass cheeks and turning them numb. Castiel was pushed up against his side with his head on his shoulder beneath the blanket they were sharing. Dean had his arm around him, his hand on the swell of his stomach. He looked down at Castiel and saw his eyes were dragging.

“Do we need to go home, Cas?” he asked, brushing his lips over his forehead.

“Is the game almost over?”

“About fifteen minutes.”

“I’ll be fine.”

Dean rubbed his stomach and watched the field. Ben wasn’t getting much field time, but he still watched the kids fumbling. A few of them might actually do well on the high school team, but they were few and far between, Ben probably wouldn’t be one of them.

“Dean.”

Dean looked over and felt Castiel lift his head. Lisa was standing beside him.

“Hey,” he said, smiling at her. Then he stood up and hugged her one-armed. Then he pulled away and sat back down. “How are you?”

“Good,” she said, and tucked her hair behind her ear. Then she looked at Castiel. She looked nervous and uncomfortable, but like she wanted Dean to introduce them, so he cleared his throat.

“Lisa, this is Castiel. Cas, Lisa.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Lisa said.

Castiel stood and shook her hand. Dean couldn’t help reaching out to steady him, even though he didn’t sway, but it made his heart jump to see Castiel standing where he could fall and all that unforgiving metal.

“You as well,” Castiel said.

Dean glanced at Lisa and saw the break in her expression when she looked at Castiel’s stomach. At almost nine months, he was big. His skin radiated it. He was tired a lot and those circles were beneath his eyes, but he was so beautiful, like a constant hum of happiness beneath it. Dean couldn’t feel bad about that, but he felt bad that Lisa was uncomfortable.

Castiel seemed to pick up on it. He sat back down and pulled the blanket around himself. Dean stopped himself from putting his arm back around him. 

“Ben played good earlier,” Dean said.

“Yeah he’s getting better,” Lisa said, forcing a smile. “Castiel, how far along are you?”

“Only a few weeks longer,” Castiel said.

Dean wanted to say she didn’t have to. That she didn’t have to stand there and do this. He wouldn’t blame her if she never talked to him again outside of him getting to pick up Ben, like she’d started letting him about three months ago.

Then Lisa looked down the rows, tucked her hair again and smiling slightly. “I have to go. I just wanted to come say hi.”

“Yeah, I’m glad you did,” Dean said.

She smiled at them against then went down the steps.

“That was kind of her,” Castiel said.

“Yeah,” Dean said, then he kissed Castiel’s forehead again. “Let’s get out of here. I’ll see Ben tomorrow.”

“It’s almost over.”

“Yeah and if we wait I’m going to end up carrying you to the car,” Dean said.

Castiel frowned, “I’m sorry. I should’ve stayed home and slept.”

“Yeah I should’ve stayed home and cooked you dinner and put you to bed,” Dean said. Then he helped Castiel up, keeping his arm around him.

When they walked off the stands, he saw Lisa from the corner of his eye. She was on the sidelines by the dugout. She was pressing against one of Ben’s coaches. He was looking down at her with his hand on her lower back. He was talking and smiling. Dean looked away before she could notice, but he smiled and a pit he hadn’t realized was quite so prominent lessened.

***

The day before Castiel’s baby shower, Dean was in the kitchen, tacking up decorations with Castiel telling him how to hang things. He clenched the tacks between his lips and thanked God that Castiel was cute with his large belly or this would’ve been a lot more annoying than it was.

“Castiel, you’re being a harpy,” Lucifer said, coming in the back door.

“It was crooked,” Castiel said, frowning with another hand on his stomach.

“Was not,” Dean said.

“I can see it clearly from here,” Castiel said.

“It doesn’t look crooked to me,” Lucifer said.

“No, because I had him fix it,” Castiel said irritably.

“Someone is bitchy,” Lucifer sing-songed as he took a drink from his beer and walked toward the living room. Dean climbed down and spit the tacks into his palm as he went to the fridge.

Dean laughed a little bit. When Lucifer showed up to stay with them for a few days, Dean had ended up liking him a lot more than he expected to. The way he and Castiel acted around each other was a lot more like siblings than exes that made it easier, then the guy was just too damn charming to deny. By the end of the first night, he and Dean were in the living room drinking beers for hours after Castiel had gone to bed with Dean feeling the most warmth toward another guy since his best friend, Benny, had moved away over two years ago.

“Dean, we still have more to hang,” Castiel said.

Dean took out a beer then popped the top before going back to Castiel and cupping his face in his hands. Distantly he heard someone knock and Lucifer answer it as he looked in Castiel’s eyes.

“Gorgeous, sweet, baby daddy of mine, I’m going to hang every decoration you want. I’ll hang them where ever you want, anyway you want, but I’ll need a break or two,” he said, pushing his forehead to Castiel’s. “Deal?”

“But-.”

Dean tugged Castiel against him to smother his protest until the swell of his stomach was tucked between him. He put his hand on the curvature and hummed low in his throat as he closed his eyes.

“You trying to make everything for our little boy’s so sweet,” Dean said. “But you’re driving me insane, Cas.”

Castiel melted against Dean with a small dejected noise. Dean nuzzled into his hair.

“Let’s go sit down for a few minutes,” Dean said, tugging Castiel toward the living room.

He was walking in when he felt Castiel tug on his hand. Dean looked up and saw Lucifer standing directly in front of Sam, who was against the half-wall that made up the staircase. His protective brother genes kicked in for a split second until he saw the knock out, drugged look in Lucifer’s eyes and the straight elation in Sam’s as Lucifer touched his hair.

He’d realized Lucifer was tall, but he hadn’t realized he was taller than Sam until they were standing like that. He was thicker than Sam too and for the first time Dean had ever seen him since his last growth spurt, Sam actually looked kind of small.

Then Lucifer bent and kissed Sam and Sam reacted about the same way Castiel had the first time they kissed, which meant Dean bolted back to the kitchen before he puked. He heard a low noise from Lucifer than a lighter sound from Sam and his skin crawled.

“Jesus, rooms, Get one,” Dean yelled into the living room. “Better yet, Sam’s house.”

There were footsteps then the front door slammed.

“That was very sweet,” Castiel said, looking toward the living room with a sickly romantic look in his big blue doe eyes that were a little bit wet.

“Gross you mean? I think you meant gross.”

Castiel laughed, “Don’t be a prude, Dean. They both deserve to be happy.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t need it on our living room wall.”

Castiel put his arms around Dean’s waist and looked up at him. “I want them to be as happy as I am with you.”

“Aww, Cas,” Dean said, leaning down and brushing Castiel’s nose with his own. “This kid is making you so damn bipolar.”

Castiel slapped his side and pulled away with the sweetness leaving his face. “Don’t tease me.”

Dean caught his arm from behind, laughing, but with months of hormonal Castiel around, he did it as quietly as he could. “I’m just kidding.”

“It isn’t funny.”

Dean put his arms around Castiel from behind and kissed the edge of his ear. “I’m sorry. Love you so much.”

“I love you too, now make it up to me and finish hanging the balloons,” Castiel said.

Dean didn’t even argue about still wanting his break. He climbed back up the ladder and got back to work, some to keep him from having a full on hormonal bitch fit, but mostly just to make him happy.

***

A year and a half later, Dean held his son’s small hands as he toddled around Mary’s living room. He smiled down at him, at the look of pure determination as Matthew went toward the lit up Christmas tree with the presents glinting in metallic paper, like he was hypnotized.

Around them, Dean’s family talked and laughed. Sam and Lucifer sat on the loveseat with Lucifer’s arm around Sam’s shoulder. Their large frames dwarfed the furniture. Even after the time together, they still practically sat on each other’s laps.

Castiel and Ben were playing a game on the TV. It was the same one Ben got Castiel addicted to a few months ago after so many times patiently explaining how the remote control worked. Mary sat close to them on a chair, watching and egging them on while she drank a glass of wine.

When Matthew looked up at him, his mouth all drool and a loose sweet smile, Dean’s heart puddled in his chest like it did all the time. He picked him up and wiped his mouth with a hankie tucked into the front of Matthew’s shirt, stained from the pureed green beans Mary and Ben fed him earlier.

When he looked back to Castiel, Castiel glanced back at him and smiled, close mouthed. There was so much warmth in his eyes though, even more than normal. Dean wondered when it would stop feeling like he got hit by a truck when he did that, when it would stop feeling the world wasn’t being spun like a top as everything else went blurry outside of Castiel.

Later, they would tell their family they’d have another next Christmas. Maybe a little sooner than they’d planned, but all Dean could think about was the way Castiel had come out of the bathroom two days ago and how tightly he’d hugged Dean’s neck as he laughed and told him they’d be fathers again.

Dean couldn’t help it, he went over and bent down to kiss Castiel. Castiel tilted up his face from where he sat on the floor. He heard the sound of crashing on screen and didn’t care at all, it didn’t look like Castiel cared much either as he lingered on Dean’s lips before kissing their son’s cheek before finally looking back to the screen.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the Destiel Fic by my awesome Beta - "Staying" by talkcoffeetome  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/2715674
> 
> I'm just starting to figure out Tumblr, so if any of you guys want to follow me on there that would be awesome. I'd love to follow you back. I'll post Destiel stuff and fic stuff from new things.   
> http://tridom.tumblr.com/
> 
> Alright, done with my shameless promotions. ;) 
> 
> If you liked it, or didn't, I'd love to hear it. You guys are fantastic.  
> <3


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